Sunday, October 2, 2011

Oh, My! I Got A One Star Review! Oh, What To Do?

First off I would like to say that it feels like I might finally be back in the world of the living.  Of course I've said that before, quite a few times over the past couple of weeks.  I did wake up at 3:00 A.M. this morning because the migraine was back with full force.  Fortunately since I am off today I was able to go ahead and take the medicine and lay back down.  After dealing with this for two weeks now I am really hoping that I can get through today, and that maybe by the time Tuesday rolls around I will be My normal self.

Before I get into doing any reviews I want to take a moment and speak on reviews.  Now if you've read ones I've posted here before you know I don't hold back, like ever.  Sometimes I just read something that is such a piece of crap that I just have to jerk down the pants of the hack that wrote it and expose them to the world as the fraud they are.  Hacks, plagiarizers and other assorted whacks who want to make a quick buck for themselves give independent writers and the independent writing scene a bad name.  Many of you know I have spoken before of starting a #DownWithHacks movement, something I plan to more seriously work on once I am on My feet again.  In fact I actually would go so far as to lay My migraine on a little gem titled Private Games by Tawny Taylor.  It is a piece of "erotic romance" drivel, crap of the worst kind, and it's an epic that according to my size meter on My Kindle I'm only about 35% finished, though this mother fucking turd really needed to end about 50 pages ago already.  Someday, if I can force Myself the rest of the way through it without getting migraines or just wanting to puke, I do actually plan on reviewing it.

Now additionally if you've read My reviews you know they're not all bad news.  Rebecca Treadway feels that I was more than generous with one story in particular, however sometimes in the midst of what looks like a bowl of circling turds there is a little bit of potential.  When it's there I say it's there, that shiny peanut or piece of corn stuck in the brown.  Even though My reviews can be a little harsh and scathing, I do step back and try to keep in mind the intended audience of a work, its technical merit and the writer's style and ability.

That being said there's a huge difference between a work being "reviewed" and a work being "commented" on.  Most story sites have a place to review stories, and most book seller sites also list a spot for customer reviews, but really, what they are in reality are places for people to leave their comments.  And who comments the most?  Well in My experience the top two types of commenters are ones who are pissed off that a story was not what they expected, and ones from people with no writing talent and find that writing harsh comments on a work that does not meet their expectations or "high moral standards" for erotic works who write ultra nasty reviews and take shots at authors as a way of getting attention.

My opinions is that all sites should label these sections as comments.  For all you other writers out there, you should bear in mind that on any given site you're not going to find true reviews of your work in these places, mainly the opinions of the reader.  Initially in My online posting phase of publishing I was upset, not due to the fact that I was getting bad comments, but because no one bothered to point out things that were technically wrong with the story.

Now if you know Me by now you know two things.  One: I'm highly opinionated.  Two:  I can't shut up when something pisses Me off.  That said when I get nasty comments, unless it's obvious they've been written by a total attention whore, I respond to them.  I also welcome responses on the reviews I post and will gladly answer any questions about My feeling on the author's work, but as yet I have gotten no feedback from any author who has been negatively reviewed.

I got a one star review!  What do Me and My pallid bust of Phallus think of that?
Getting your first "review" on an eBook seller site is a momentous occasion.  I've actually been waiting for once since February, so the fact that the very first one was rated one star and given a dig did not in any way ruin the moment.  In all honesty I had a real good laugh over it, because of course I knew it was a comment.

The "reviewed" story in question is My Gay Male short story Honcho, which I had just released a few days before as a Free Read on All Romance eBooks and Lulu due to the fact that it is so short (only about three pages).  It was reviewed by a user who goes under the name of dozyllama on ARe.  And I got to tell you the name just conjours up the image of some lazy and lanky looking inbred with green bucked teeth.  In fact I get the mental image of this closeted guy that at 40 still loved with his mother that I knew when I lived in Missouri.  He would act all tough, like he was a man's man and shit, and though he "wasn't gay or anything" that he once let this guy suck him off because the guy really wanted to do it.  I think he was fishing for takers.  At the moment I find Myself thinking, "Not with a whole forest of the paper bags that Cody Rhodes' assistants hands out on your head."

Anyway, My personal imaginings of what this "reviewer" is aside he had this to say about Honcho:

Thank goodness it was free. Don't bother. If this is a sample of the authors work then I will definitely be giving the rest of it a miss. A child could write something more interesting. Seriously bad.

Wow, was that really all you had?  It's pretty obvious to Me this was a pissed off reader who was hoping for a little more.  And from the description what more could you really expect?

Two men, one club, a few minutes of anonymous passion. The quick tale of a hook-up between two men for no-strings play.

I did also add a graphic sexual content warning, but perhaps the warning I should have put on it was THIS IS A WORK OF MICHAEL C. LANEY AND I DO NOT WRITE A BUNCH OF "EROTIC ROMANCE" BULL SHIT!  No, Honcho isn't some masterpiece about two guys finding true love for a couple of hot minutes.  No gently putting condoms on each other.  Hell, even no anal penetration.  But what Honcho is is a story that gives you a look at a couple of guys sneaking to a dark spot and getting each other off, and then going their separate ways no numbers, no names, no shit.  And that folks is what an anonymous hook up between two men is generally like if the tale is to be told realistically.

Now I can't say if this person is a habitual nasty commenter on ARe and OmniLit.  Is he the HarryIn VA of that site?  Maybe.  He could hunt down stories in a particular genre, like good old Harry does on Literotica, just to trash them because they do not match his morals or sexual needs.  I feel the need to mention Harry and Literotica because Literotica rewards commenters/"reviewers" by giving them a list they can be on that shows who posts the most comments on the site.  HarryIn VA spends most of his time pissed that cuckolds actually get more pussy than he does.  He's also jealous because no matter how fast he types a comment on a story he "doesn't like" with one hand while beating his little Vienna Sausage with the other that he will never EVER catch up with Literotica's top commenter, LeBroz.  It should also be pointed out that LeBroz actually writes stories and submits them to Lit...highly rated stories.  I think you get the picture.

The two comments that Honcho received after its initial posting on Literotica were both positive and brief, which is enough to let Me know that the story did reach its target audience there.  Points of the dozyllama comment that both Myself and Jason Darrick laughed over were that he rated the story One Star, yet gave it a "Two Kiss" sensuality rating.  Jason's question to this was, "So he hated it, but he still got off on it?  Some people."

And In Additional Bull...

Plagiarism.  You know, that thing we all fuckin' hate.  Over the past couple of weeks it seems there's been an explosion all over.  My good friend Marabelle Blue, has had her magazine and contents, that's KinkE Magazine, pilfered by a pair working together on two continents, one of which she believes is someone she has had issues with before.  I will give you more details on that as they come.  I can tell you that I couldn't get past much on this group's site as it made My headache worse.  There was plenty of babble about the founding of a New Babylon ( 5 ? ), and how Flight 77 was faked and that 9/11 was a plot concocted by the 77 Whores of Babylon (which I would actually give them if I believed for one second these people could show us where Mesopotamia was on a map).  Yes, I'm pretty sure the American component of this US-Australian team is from Fuckedmyownsister, Alabama, and believes that space flight, "Ain't real."

Do you really want to steal from this woman?

My erotic writing pals Alan Jankowski and Sharon Pearson have also been victims of submission site plagiarism.  Alan it seems has been getting it left and right, which of course as many have pointed out is a testament to his skill and craft.  Several writers had their stories copied and pasted off of Lushstories.Com and onto other story sites.  (Oh, say it ain't so.  I though Gav had the fix for that).   Anyway, from experience I can tell you there's nothing that pisses a writer off more than to find out they've been plagiarized.

In an additional piece of crap!
I've started thinning out the heard over on Twitter, removing accounts from people who I never interacted with, are boring, I have nothing in common with, or have eggs as their avatars.  The purpose of course is to make room for other writers, readers and fans who want to communicate with Me.  However, there are those people and accounts that make a huge deal out of being unfollowed.  You know, the ones with no lives.  In particular one @sissygirlslave (Miss K's jen).  Not only did this account have to list Me as someone who unfollowed them, but also took exception to Me calling them a cry-baby with no life.  Went as far as to insult Me by insinuating I'm not a dominant, and made fun of Me for insulting a bot.  Really, that was funny because if the account was really a bot I would not have gotten such a detailed response back.  Again, looser cry-baby, upset about getting unfollowed on Twitter.  I do hope you occasionally dump that five gallon piss and poop bucket you keep by your desk that keeps you from leaving your seat so you don't have to take a break from tweeting and playing World Of Warcraft.

On a brighter note, it's finally here, the truly most wonderful time of the year, Halloween season.  I've already begun My little Silver Shamrock count down on twitter and FaceBook, and am looking forward to reading some great spooky stories.  Unfortunately I won't be decorating this year.  Partly due to the fact that we've decided to put our house on the market in the hopes of moving into a larger one, and partly due to the inbred rednecks that moved across the street with a gaggle of "youngins" who I doubt have any clue about respecting other people's property.  Anyway, there's always next year, and maybe with a new yard.

Master Vyle


  1. Just stopped by to say hi! You're blog is visually stunning. I'm going to add you to my list of favorites on the blog list on my blog,

  2. It's wonderful that you can write such an entertaining and funny post about things as unpleasant as bad reviews and plagiarism. I've been following you on Facebook, but I'll now add you to my blog roll and follow you on twitter as well.