Greetings Fright Fans, Fiends, Freaks, Perverts and Sickos. 2014 is here and guess what? I'M BACK! That's right, the straight shooter, fruit booter, Mayor of Public Domain, totally insane, first ever "liberated author", the one and (many hope) only, Master Vyle is back. Did any of you mother fuckers miss me? Yeah, probably not, but I'm back anyway, and it looks like not a minute too soon. Rejoice! Rejoice! ALLAH-AELUHIA, BITCHES!
Okay, so for those who might wonder where I have been. Well, to start things off from fall of 2011 until the summer of 2012 I was suffering from near daily migraines. I didn't have the desire to do much other than be in a dark room and sleep, and when I was medicated I was just plain crazy, and if you read any of my rants here or on das Booken from that time, then you know what I mean. Needless to say my creativity was pretty well zapped. Then of course, when I could write there was something equally as bleak hanging over me, which made me put my writing on hold. I'm not going to discuss that, because once this thing was out of the way I did post about it on das Booken, and nary a writer type said a damn thing, sooooooo, yeah. If ever you get yourself in a financial bind, hope your stuff isn't selling worth a shit. Yep, and as cryptic and unexplanitory as that is, as Forest Gump would say, "That's all I've got to say about that."
So, what about the past year? Well, 2013 was a lot about me getting my shit together mentally. I pretty much let everything cool, including this blog, and took a break that was not being forced on me by illness and creditors. There were only a handful of writers, people I actually consider writers and authors, who I kept in touch with, and I turned off all notifications from the various groups I have been a part of. I turned my writing talents to script writing for door prize segments I was doing as part of Doctor Xombie's Friday Night Fright as well as for my own hosted horror show House of Master Vyle Presents. Yes, I've been doing a lot of stuff for stage and screen as they say, having a chance to branch out into the world of horror hosting. It's a kinder and gentler world than the "writing scene", however writing fiction has always been my first calling, and the time has come to get back to it.
Of course I owe a great debt to my good fiend, Roger Boyes. I got to know Roger through the darkest months that I had migraines, and it was through him that I got my Saturday writing influence back, his pages dedicated to Doctor Paul Bearer, Dick Bennick and other horror related items leading me into horror hosting. It was also a pleasure to contribute an interview to his book about Doctor Paul Bearer and I had a chance to GHOST host the two book signings for that book Dr. Paul Bearer's Creature Feature.
|Roger Boyes (seated) and Master Vyle at BearerFEAST 2.|
Photo courtesy of Dash Cunning Entertainment
It was through Roger that I had the opportunity to meet and work with Paul Bathrick, who recently has spurred my desire to get back to writing into high gear. At the moment he is working on a brilliant novel, and his enthusiasm for the story is extremely contagious, and he reminds me a lot of myself when I'm in "The Zone". My only regret is not having a chance to talk to him about the book and writing on a more regular basis.
Okay, so I know the first question is when are we going to see a new story from you? The answer to that is probably not for a while. I have several projects lined up, many in need of completion. I'm not going to hurry myself, or do that thing I hate to do to myself, set any kind of deadline, however by the end of the year there should at least be a small thing or two in print. I will also continue working on hosted horror projects, with several showings upcoming on The Peninsula of Horror this year, as well as possibly another venue or two. I do have to complete the first season of House of Master Vyle Presents by the end of the year, and I feel I already have a good start on that. It may not be a huge writing year for me, however 2014 is going to be the year I get the ball rolling again.
Now, I know the next thing you're probably wondering: When, oh when, are we going to get to see some of those, oh so, awesome, Master Vyle reviews. Well, fiends, don't fret. There will be reviews coming down the pike very soon, of that I promise you. Am I going to get to those reviews that I promised, which are long over due, and probably slightly behind the times? Oh yeah, I guarantee it, or I'm not the guy who just listed this fantastic new quote: Every time I hear or see the term "inner goddess" it makes me want to puke... right up the inner goddess of the twit that said it.
Now of course, let me restate that I'm back and not a moment too soon. I hear tell that the latest purge of indie author penned erotica has just taken place. Oh, it's so sad. Who's crying that hardest and loudest, why the person hit the hardest every time there's a "purge", one Selena Kitt. The way she drones on you would think that Amazon specifically singles her out every time, but yet she still publishes through Amazon.
Well, again, it's a good thing I'm back, here to give you the wisdom granted my by my, oh so, top of the rung Polk County, Florida, edjumication. You see, whenever there's a "purge" I hear all this whining about First Amendment rights. BLAH, BLAH, FUCKIN' BLAH.
So let me put it out there, I know it might be hard for some of you to understand, but Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and Kobo, and every other eBook publisher are not concerned with your First Amendment rights, and it's not their job to protect them, nor do any of them guarantee them. They're companies and corporations that have standards, albeit sometimes the standard is, "We can't define porn, but we know it when we see it." I can promise you that most of these stories, no matter how well they sell, are subjects that no traditional publisher would touch with a 50 foot pole. And you people have the nerve to whine and cry that the eBook publishers are violating the First Amendment if they choose not to publish them through their venue? Oh, that's terrible, especially when a lot of you knowingly submit content that you know they are going to eventually you for.
OH, LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! That nasty old eBook publisher is violating my First Amendment rights because I keep uploading content that they do not want to sell!
Yeah, boo-hoo, I'm really crying for you.
And of course, just in time for the end of the year, there was a new purge directed at the second latest thing, Bigfoot Erotica. Yes, I say second latest thing because the latest thing is Dinosaur Erotica.
Yes, I'm totally fucking serious, you can't make stuff this fucking retarded up.
Yes, it seems Amazon is "supposedly" cracking down on "Crypto" Erotica. I suppose unlike IL-literotica that they finally figured out that unicorns and Pegasuses were stand-ins for actual horses. Now I say supposedly because doing all the things that you supposedly couldn't do as far as searches went I did actually luck out and found the legendary Bigfoot porn hiding in "the Amazon". And I acquired said Bigfoot porn, for the special low price of absolutely FREE, from Amazon. Yeah, book banned from Amazon, being sold, by Amazon, as part of a huge holiday sale, from Amazon. I do not like hairy bears, however I'm dying to read this because it is no doubt totally fucking hilarious.
I am also waiting with baited breath to read me some Dinosaur Porn. I just get visions in my head of the Jurassic Style dildo collection that came out in the wake of the first Jurassic Park film. And, just because I happen to know just a little about reptile and avian anatomy, I expect the Dinos in these pornos to be wearing strap-on versions.
House of Master Vyle 2014 MiniSode 1: The Year of the Horse
Well, Fiends and Fright Fans, that's about it for now. Yes, I know, it was just a little taste, but you can expect some more bad old goodness to be coming to you in the very near future.
See You After Vyle!