St. Pete Beach 2011

St. Petersburg Beach

Okay, so I know I'm a couple of weeks late in getting this post up, but things have been a little hectic.  Last month the lady vyle and Myself took our oldest son, Alex, and his girlfriend, Callie Holland, to stay at the Tradewinds Sandpiper Resort on St. Pete Beach for a couple of days as an added bonus to their vacation and as gift to celebrate their graduation from Savannah High School in Savannah, Missouri.  For Callie it was her first trip to the beach, and she was very excited to see and swim in the ocean, collect shells, and even see and feed seagulls for the first time.  We only had a chance to stay there a couple of days, but I have to say it was one of the most relaxing mini-vacations I have been on in a long time, and The Sandpiper is definitely somewhere I want to stay again real soon.

We spent a big part of the second day on the beach in our own little cabana, a first for Me, where after frolicking in the water and collecting shells we retreated for most of the afternoon. While the kids enjoyed the water the lady vyle napped as I relaxed and read a few things on My Kindle.  We had a picnic lunch, one that was actually enjoyable, because it seems that the seagulls on St. Pete Beach are a bit more classy and less hungry than the ones at Siesta Key.  The local crier was nicknamed, Steve, by Alex, and he waited for us to return to our cabana that evening after we went out to dinner.  The gulls would form a small cloud around the kids, almost as if they were hovering in line and waiting patiently to be fed.  Alex dubbed them "movable shade", but I warned him that that shade did occasionally let out a little exhaust.




Steve the Seagull (Bottom Center).  I like him better than the pesky bastard that hounded us on Siesta Key in February.

We had dinner at one of the little restaurants at The Sandpiper the first evening, but the second night we headed out to a place down the road named, Crabby Bill's.  Just around the corner was a little surf shop that had a pirate skeleton standing in front of it that I knew I wanted my picture with after dinner.  Crabby Bill's was excellent, with a broad selection of surf & turf, as well as some of those more Floridian delicacies (gator tail).  While looking for a place to turn around to go to the surf shop we accidentally found a place called the Candy Kitchen in a little plaza and decided to investigate.



The exterior of the Candy Kitchen, a world of sweet delights.

 Like The Sandpiper and Crabby Bill's the Candy Kitchen is another point of interest I intend to revisit on our next trip to St. Pete Beach.  To say it has almost everything you can imagine is an understatement.  This place had the classics, stuff I had not seen in years as well as things I had only heard of before.  They had bubblegum and candy cigars and cigarettes, which I was shocked to find they were still made.  We picked up a couple of packs that had been My favorite as a kid, bubble gum sticks wrapped in paper colored to look like a cigarette and filled with a bit of powdered sugar so that you blow into them and it looks like smoke is coming out of them.  I picked up several different kinds of Now And Laters, a few Black Cows, Chiclets and even Tiny-Size Chiclets.  The lady vyle bought Razzles, saltwater taffy and the kids loaded up on a few things to get their own sugar high going.  My wife got a chocolate covered banana and we all got classic bottles sodas, a Coke for Alex, an Orange Crush for Callie, Birch Beer for the lady vyle, and A Moxie for Me.

Before leaving we got to add our signatures to the encouraged graffiti on the wall.  The Candy Factory provides assorted colored Sharpies for this, and ask that you please only sign in one place.  I put Mine in between a couple of shelves were there was space and signed it, "Michael C. Laney, Author Of Heather's Journey".  It didn't occur to Me to get a picture of it, but hopefully they haven't repainted for a new batch before our next visit.  So if you're going to St. Pete Beach sometime soon be sure to drop by the Candy Factory to see if you can find it and maybe get a picture of it of your own.

Coming out of the Candy Factory quite a few bucks lighter and with a bag of loot we all sat down to enjoy our drinks, as well as a little of our dessert.

Callie, Alex and the lady vyle ready for some evening refreshment.

The sexy lady vyle enjoys her chocolate dipped banana, with NUTS!



The lady vyle shows off the Banana Boat impression left on the bottom of her chocolate dipped banana by the Banana Boat bowl.



The Loot: Chiclets, Tiny-Size Chiclets, Razzles, Black Cows and bubble gum cigarettes (Kings and Round Up).  Won't truth.com be pissed?



My first Moxie.  If you've never had one it's like a cross between Root Beer and Dr. Pepper, and very tasty.  I can't wait to buy more.

After our dessert we got back into the car and headed over to the surf shop.  Unfortunately I did not get its name, but it was around the corner from Crabby Bill's.  I hadn't been in a surf shop of any kind, not even at the mall, since I moved to Missouri.  They had some skull bead bracelets I would love to have, and they are on My list if they still carry them whenever we have our next trip to St. Pete Beach.  They had everything a surf punk needs, including a pair of orange framed Oakley sunglasses.  Yeah, My brain said I wanted them, but at $110.00 My wallet was saying, "No, Sir."

Yo-Ho, and Yai-Yo Yai-YO! This salty pirate had waited outside the surf shop all day to get his picture with Michael C. Laney.  I'm not sure who's cup was running overith more.

Speaking of orange, I loved the bedroom in out little suite at The Sandpiper.  Not only was it big but it had orange walls!  I figured that it might make a good About The Author picture someday, so I had Alex take a couple of pictures of Me.  It didn't look very well as a FaceBook profile picture, but I know when cropped just right it has potential.



Make Mine orange.  I would love it if My real bedroom had orange walls.  It would give Me another excuse not to want to get out of bed every day.

 After getting back to our room I went out with Alex and Callie to take pictures of them feeding the seagulls as the lady vyle relaxed in our room.  Steve was waiting for them to get back, and a few cries attracted several of his friends.  I took pictures and strolled up and down the beach to take some scenic pictures as well as pictures of sand castles and shells.  Speaking of shells we each found several, the lady vyle and Myself adding to our collection for our shell lamp, and Alex and Callie starting theirs.  Alex discovered one of his shells was not quite unoccupied, so they took it to the beach so the hermit crab which had claimed it could return to nature.

Movable Shade?  Alex and Callie feed the seagulls.

The next morning we packed up the car and checked out, heading down the road to the IHOP that the lady vyle had spotted the night before as we looked for a place to turn around to get to the surf shop.  For the lady vyle you haven't really been on a trip or vacation unless you've eaten at least one meal at an IHOP.  Then we paid a visit to the Florida Holocaust Museum, after getting lost and having to backtrack from nearly to home.  My camera had died before we got there, which was unfortunate because there was some very interesting penis graffiti on an abandoned bar across the street from the museum.  Then we headed back home to unpack and rest before the lady vyle and I had to go back to work the next day.

I don't think any of us can wait until we get that next chance to go to The Sandpiper, and after hearing the details of our trip Quentin wants to go as well.  If I could afford it I would love just to go there and stay for a month.  It's so relaxing, and not only would it be a great place to write, but I'm sure it would be a great place to get ideas.  Which reminds Me that as we pulled away and turned to get onto the highway we saw an adult store called, Shhhhh...Don't Tell Momma, which is also on My list of points of interest to visit the next time I'm in St. Pete Beach.

Master Vyle

Siesta Key Beach State Park



The lady vyle And Myself Spend A Few Hours At Siesta Key Beach State Park, Florida

This past Thursday the lady vyle had a check-up at the Moffit Cancer Center in Tampa, so we decided that after it was over that we would go and spend the day at Siesta Key State Park which was a little further on down the road.  It was a two hour drive we  had made once before a couple of summers ago with the kids, of course when it was peak season.  It has been quite a while since the two of us have went so far without anyone else along.  It was good to have a chance to talk and enjoy the beginning of her four day weekend as she joined Me on vacation.



This Looks Familiar For Some Reason

Thursday morning was cloudy and overcast, which I am sure sounds nice compared to a majority of the rest of the country, which is covered with snow.  Maybe not exactly beach weather, but at least it wasn't raining.  We made our way to the park, a nice area where access to the beach is free.  The sand is a fine white powder which gets everywhere.  I had made the suggestion that we pull a From Here To Eternity if the beach was empty, but the lady vyle said there was no way she was getting that sand down in there.  If you have never been you have to add it to your list of places to go in Florida, but I would suggest you go in the off season.  Near the entrance is a strange and twisted tree which I think is actually two trees growing into each other.  I asked the lady vyle if she thought it looked familiar.  I have reason to suspect that it is a Vagina Tree.

The Lifeguard Station That We Sat Up Beside

We got out of the car and stripped to our suits, and then hauled out meager equipment which consisted of a small table, two beach chairs and a snack bag down to the beach.  There were seagulls everywhere, and not your little Wal-Mart parking lot or Central Florida landfill variety either.  I'm talking fat seagulls, and a few pigeons, that could pass as chicken when dressed out just right at your local butcher.  Of course the first order of business was to test the water.  Feets in for three seconds was enough of that.  It may be Florida but it was still fucking freezing.  Then after that we both needed to trek back to the entrance to use to the facilities, and that was when I first noticed the Vagina Tree.




Off Season At Siesta Key The Seagulls Outnumber Humans On The Beach



Pigeons (Foreground) Get Nice And Plump From Beach Living Too

Before having to head to the rest room the lady vyle and Myself combed the beach for sea shells.  She had hoped that since it was the off season things would not be as picked over as they were in the summer, but unfortunately this was not the case.  We were able to add some oyster clusters, black scallops and a few unique pieces of coral and barnacle encrusted shells to our collection.  Each of us had a collection of shells from here and there when we first met, and I was doing projects (filling shadow boxes and making plaques with shells) around that time as well.  So not long after we started dating she wanted to come up with a way to put our shell collections together.  The idea she hit upon to do so was with a fillable lamp, and we found one at International Market World in My hometown of Auburndale.  It was a slow  go in the beginning as the lamp was huge, huge enough to make out collective shell collections look small.  Now, however, as the years have went on it is nearly full and now contains shells we both had from childhood, a few store bought remnants of My art projects, fossil shells from My parent's yard, shells from Vero Beach, Castaway Cay, Royal Carribean's private island, Fairfield Beach and of course our previous trip to Siesta Key.

A Small Collection Of New Shells For Our Shell Lamp

Then it was time to take a seat and relax.  Aside from our trip to Castaway Cay on the Disney Wonder this was the first time that we had been to the beach without kids, and for Me it is the only time I have ever been to the beach without family (her parents were with us on that first cruise to the Bahamas).  I did forget to mention My first announcement when we claimed our spot was, "Okay, all you old farts need to avert your eyes, because we're about to get our freak on!"  Yeah, that got a laugh from the lady vyle, and unfortunately it did not happen.

In lieu of sex on the beach we decided to take sexy pictures of each other.  (YEAH RIGHT).  Well at least she looks sexy in all her pictures.

The lady vyle As Soon As She Had A Chance To Sit

Yeah That's Me Sucking It In And Trying To Look Buff, But I Still Look Like I'm In My Second Trimester

A Slight View Of The Perkies And Nips!

The lady vyle And "Friends"

After sitting for a little bit it was snack time.  The lady vyle had made sandwiches, and we brought along chips and crackers.  She had a Diet A&W Root Beer and I had a Sun Drop, which was second one of those I ever had, only having tested one out the night before.  Eating was a challenge.  The truth is the reason the seagulls at the beach are as big as chickens is that they make sure they get fed.  Eating under towels only helped some and did not keep one from taking a big whack out of My roast beef sandwich.  So if you do go to Siesta Key in the off season remember not to eat on the beach as there are not enough other people doing the same, so every bird on the beach is going to come right at you Hitchcock Style as soon as they hear the rattling of plastic.  We even had one persistent fucker who squawked at us almost the whole time we ate, although I am fairly certain for all his noise he didn't end up with a single scrap.

Snack Time!

This Mouthy Mother Fucker Got Nothing For All His Squawking And Cawing

Alas all things do come to an end.  We had a drive to be back at home in time for the end of the school day.  The sun did manage to come out a few times here and there and make it feel like summer, but most of the time we spent there was both overcast and foggy.  We actually ended up getting a little more sun on Saturday after spending most of the day at Typhoon Lagoon.

The Lovely lady vyle (Note Fog In The Background)

Me Beginning To Look Old Farty With My Seven 'O Clock Shadow At The Beach

Farewell Siesta Key Beach

And as we left and began our two hour trek back home I of course was left with one burning question...

Is This A Vagina Tree?



Master Vyle