Review: The Glass Coffin: A Zombie Tale by Mark C. Scioneaux

Greetings Fright Fans, Fiends, Freaks, Perverts and Sickos, and welcome to the, oh so, horrifying House of Master Vyle Blog.  And yes that introduction is a little different, and that is because I happen to be a lot of bit different.  Plus I figured it was about time to make the, um, BOG post introductions a little more in step with my House of Master Vyle Presents intro.  Now, if you have never watched my hosted horror show, let me just say that I’m not surprised in the least.  Hhehehehehe.

Anyway, it’s review time, and the story in question is The Glass Coffin: A Zombie Tale by Mark Christopher Scioneaux.  Now, of course, over the past decade or so, zombie fiction has been all the rage in the horror world.  As a genre it has only been around since the end of the 1960’s, unlike many other subgenres in horror which have their initial basis in medieval, if not ancient, mythology and folklore.  That said, zombie fiction, is still pretty much in its infancy, and there are only a handful of authors with the skill and imagination to add anything new.  Of course it’s not always necessary to add anything innovative or new to the Romero Zombie Mythos, however a compelling and character driven story are a necessary element to make one stand out and really grip the reader.

Unfortunately The Glass Coffin lacks those things.  It starts off seemingly strong, but quickly falls apart, introducing characters who are quickly killed off, so quickly in fact that one wonders why Scioneaux even bothered to describe them or add anything about their personal lives.  Plus, despite its strong start, you don’t have to be an expert in zombie fiction to know exactly what is going to happen.

Tyler, the more of less focal character of this story, because most of this story is unfocused, is so unlikable that you’re hoping he will die a horrible death from the moment he is introduced.  During a powerful storm this guy has nothing better to do than to leave his wife at home to tend to their deathly sick daughter while he bangs his girlfriend.  Now, his wife Sharon and daughter Morgan are the only characters in this whole story that you might feel any sympathy for, however they die so quickly that whatever sympathy I did feel for them felt pretty wasted.

Anyway, our erstwhile hero, and trust me when I say hero I mean that thinking that this guy is a hero is like thinking of your local meth dealer as a hero, blows his wad and returns home, making it into the glass elevator of his apartment building just in time for the power to go out.

Glass elevator?  Yeah, yeah, yeah…  This is the titular “Glass Coffin”, which I am sure Mr. Scioneaux thought was a cool and innovative idea, and I guess it would have been if this story were written by someone with actual writing talent.  Like Danvers Asylum this story smacks of high school writing assignment, and, to be fair, ninth graders were probably the author’s target audience.

So, again, yeah, if you figured out what the “Glass Coffin” was from the title alone, you pretty much know where this story is headed from the opening word.  I will not bother telling you how the whole glass coffin bit is played out.  I think you know it only has one of two possible outcomes.  I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you or anything.

Hhehehehehehe.

All the other characters in this story are pretty much nothing but zombie fodder, although there are a couple I think who may have been thrown in to show that Mr. Scioneaux knows a couple of words in Spanish.  Yes…  Yes, he does decide to make the story multicultural, which is also a failure on his part, because it’s painfully obvious he doesn’t know anything about Latinos or Hispanics…  Well, other than the fact that they speak Spanish.

I give The Glass Coffin: A Zombie Tale One Star, mainly due to the fact that I was able to read it in less than ten minutes, and therefore was not subjected to the endless tedium this would have been if it were a novella instead of a short story.  My opinion is clearly not universal having seen other reviews on Amazon, but you know me, I tend to be a little more discerning, and I like my reading on my level.

See You After Vyle,

MASTER VYLE

Review: Bound Hooker by Willa Huffner

Greetings Fright Fans, Fiends, Freaks, Perverts and Sickos.  Yeah, it’s been a little VYLE, however, as promised in my last post, it’s about time for a review.  Up first in 2014, and after a good year and a half lacking reviews, a 1982 piece of sleaze titled Bound Hooker by Willa Huffner.  Yes, fiends two of my favorite subjects in one book.  However if you’re hoping to be educated, to glean a little knicky-knicky knowledge, on either subject, this ain’t the book for you.  In fact this book could almost act as a template for Fifty Shades of Grey, because just like Erica Leonard, Ms. Huffner has no clue or experience with bondage or domination, other than second hand information from no doubt unreliable sources.

 

Bound Hooker is the story of Jane, our titular hooker, who, after a snooze worthy gang bang, is whisked off to a room by one of the observers to be offered a contract to act as the personal submissive for a group of ten men for the next six months (or some shit like that), for which she will be paid handsomely providing she does not quit before the end of the contract period.  From there she is whisked off again to the apartment she will live in for the duration of her service, where she is confronted by her cruel handler and videotaped as she is bound in a humiliating position with a huge dildo shoved into one of her orifices (which seems to be the main recurring theme in this novel).

 

Ohhh, so exciting!

 

Jane attends a party, after being in the service of these mysterious ten rich guys for all of maybe two days, and having only blown one of them is lent out to a lesbian Mistress for an unspecified amount of time.  (Believe me, this book is loaded with a gaggle of unspecified shit.)  You see, Jane, who over and over again in this first person narrative makes it plain that she is certified 100% straight, within five seconds of meeting (or more like seeing her bound and humiliated at said party) supermodel, Alexis, falls head over heels in love with her.

 

Can I get a, WHAT THE FUCK, brothas and sistas?

 

Oh, yeah.  Beat that time, Anastasia Steele!

 

Yes, our confirmed, don’t like girls, but loves to drink up sperm and be fucked in every hole by gangs of men heroine spends somewhere in neighborhood of 85% of this novel eatin’ pussy and lovin’ it like McDonald’s.

 

After spending a couple of days with her lady love, filled with corrupting a young sales girl, and separate bondage gang bangs and various pussy lickin’ gang bangs, Jane is returned to her handler and has a couple of idiotic scenes which do not pan out, and then is whisked away, again, to somewhere in Europe for a bondage-gang bang retreat (or some shit like that), with a little piss play and hints of incest thrown in for good measure.  (Or as with everything else in this book, just thrown in for no good reason.)

 

Then it’s back home, for her fourth day at her apartment, which is apparently also the end of her six months of service.

 

WAAA?

 

She’s taken to the office of one of the mysterious richie richies, where she is used and abused and offered another six month contract, and from there the book goes on to end on a…  Gee, I don’t know, a moronic note?  Believe me, I’ve seen art films that had more cohesion.

 

Okay, I know what you’re probably thinking, with all this whisking around, and pussy lickin’ gang bangs, and regular gang bangs, and the rest of the kitchen sink, this novel must be exciting.  Oh, ho, ho, ho-  NO!  This story was such a collection of tedious drudgery that it took me nearly two and a half weeks to get through it, when it probably should have only taken a day and a half.

 

Huffner’s style, and occasionally spelling, leave a lot to be desired.  Plus, along with BDSM and prostitution, body piercing is another subject that the author knows absolutely nothing about.  True this was first published in 1982, long before getting your tatas and cha-cha pierced were all the rage, but it is only the fact that they’re mentioned in the story at all that makes anything in it seem ahead of its time.

 

Also a point of interest, perhaps a little unusual for an 80’s porn book, is the fact that it includes several, let’s say, unique illustrations.  They’re kind of okay, if you like stylized, cartoony, characters getting it on.  However, they really add nothing to the overall, what little there is to it, story, as they pretty much have nothing to do with the scenes they’re meant to correspond to, when they have anything to do with the novel at all.

 

I give Bound Hooker 1 and ½ Stars.  It seems to be the only thing ever written by Willa Huffner, and for that I thank her for not quitting her day job.  If you feel the need to trudge through this story (which if it had been written today by a standard indie hack would deservingly be billed as the “next” Fifty Shades) it can be found on several retro book sites, as well as at Barnes & Noble for NOOK.

 

See You After Vyle

 

Master Vyle

 

BEWARE, I'M BACK!

Greetings Fright Fans, Fiends, Freaks, Perverts and Sickos.  2014 is here and guess what?  I'M BACK!  That's right, the straight shooter, fruit booter, Mayor of Public Domain, totally insane, first ever "liberated author", the one and (many hope) only, Master Vyle is back.  Did any of you mother fuckers miss me?  Yeah, probably not, but I'm back anyway, and it looks like not a minute too soon.  Rejoice!  Rejoice!  ALLAH-AELUHIA, BITCHES!

 

Okay, so for those who might wonder where I have been.  Well, to start things off from fall of 2011 until the summer of 2012 I was suffering from near daily migraines.  I didn't have the desire to do much other than be in a dark room and sleep, and when I was medicated I was just plain crazy, and if you read any of my rants here or on das Booken from that time, then you know what I mean.  Needless to say my creativity was pretty well zapped.  Then of course, when I could write there was something equally as bleak hanging over me, which made me put my writing on hold.  I'm not going to discuss that, because once this thing was out of the way I did post about it on das Booken, and nary a writer type said a damn thing, sooooooo, yeah.  If ever you get yourself in a financial bind, hope your stuff isn't selling worth a shit.  Yep, and as cryptic and unexplanitory as that is, as Forest Gump would say, "That's all I've got to say about that."

 

So, what about the past year?  Well, 2013 was a lot about me getting my shit together mentally.  I pretty much let everything cool, including this blog, and took a break that was not being forced on me by illness and creditors.  There were only a handful of writers, people I actually consider writers and authors, who I kept in touch with, and I turned off all notifications from the various groups I have been a part of.  I turned my writing talents to script writing for door prize segments I was doing as part of Doctor Xombie's Friday Night Fright as well as for my own hosted horror show House of Master Vyle Presents.  Yes, I've been doing a lot of stuff for stage and screen as they say, having a chance to branch out into the world of horror hosting.  It's a kinder and gentler world than the "writing scene", however writing fiction has always been my first calling, and the time has come to get back to it.

 

Of course I owe a great debt to my good fiend, Roger Boyes.  I got to know Roger through the darkest months that I had migraines, and it was through him that I got my Saturday writing influence back, his pages dedicated to Doctor Paul Bearer, Dick Bennick and other horror related items leading me into horror hosting.  It was also a pleasure to contribute an interview to his book about Doctor Paul Bearer and  I had a chance to GHOST host the two book signings for that book Dr. Paul Bearer's Creature Feature.

 

 

Roger Boyes (seated) and Master Vyle at BearerFEAST 2.
Photo courtesy of Dash Cunning Entertainment

 

 

It was through Roger that I had the opportunity to meet and work with Paul Bathrick, who recently has spurred my desire to get back to writing into high gear.  At the moment he is working on a brilliant novel, and his enthusiasm for the story is extremely contagious, and he reminds me a lot of myself when I'm in "The Zone".  My only regret is not having a chance to talk to him about the book and writing on a more regular basis.

 

 

Okay, so I know the first question is when are we going to see a new story from you?  The answer to that is probably not for a while.  I have several projects lined up, many in need of completion.  I'm not going to hurry myself, or do that thing I hate to do to myself, set any kind of deadline, however by the end of the year there should at least be a small thing or two in print.  I will also continue working on hosted horror projects, with several showings upcoming on The Peninsula of Horror this year, as well as possibly another venue or two.  I do have to complete the first season of House of Master Vyle Presents by the end of the year, and I feel I already have a good start on that.  It may not be a huge writing year for me, however 2014 is going to be the year I get the ball rolling again.

 

Now, I know the next thing you're probably wondering:  When, oh when, are we going to get to see some of those, oh so, awesome, Master Vyle reviews.  Well, fiends, don't fret.  There will be reviews coming down the pike very soon, of that I promise you.  Am I going to get to those reviews that I promised, which are long over due, and probably slightly behind the times?  Oh yeah, I guarantee it, or I'm not the guy who just listed this fantastic new quote:  Every time I hear or see the term "inner goddess" it makes me want to puke...  right up the inner goddess of the twit that said it.

 

YOU'RE WELCOME!

 

Now of course, let me restate that I'm back and not a moment too soon.  I hear tell that the latest purge of indie author penned erotica has just taken place.  Oh, it's so sad.  Who's crying that hardest and loudest, why the person hit the hardest every time there's a "purge", one Selena Kitt.  The way she drones on you would think that Amazon specifically singles her out every time, but yet she still publishes through Amazon.

 

Well, again, it's a good thing I'm back, here to give you the wisdom granted my by my, oh so, top of the rung Polk County, Florida, edjumication.  You see, whenever there's a "purge" I hear all this whining about First Amendment rights.  BLAH, BLAH, FUCKIN' BLAH.

 

So let me put it out there, I know it might be hard for some of you to understand, but Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and Kobo, and every other eBook publisher are not concerned with your First Amendment rights, and it's not their job to protect them, nor do any of them guarantee them.  They're companies and corporations that have standards, albeit sometimes the standard is, "We can't define porn, but we know it when we see it."  I can promise you that most of these stories, no matter how well they sell, are subjects that no traditional publisher would touch with a 50 foot pole.  And you people have the nerve to whine and cry that the eBook publishers are violating the First Amendment if they choose not to publish them through their venue?  Oh, that's terrible, especially when a lot of you knowingly submit content that you know they are going to eventually you for.

 

OH, LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!  That nasty old eBook publisher is violating my First Amendment rights because I keep uploading content that they do not want to sell!

 

Yeah, boo-hoo, I'm really crying for you.

 

And of course, just in time for the end of the year, there was a new purge directed at the second latest thing, Bigfoot Erotica.  Yes, I say second latest thing because the latest thing is Dinosaur Erotica.

 

Yes, I'm totally fucking serious, you can't make stuff this fucking retarded up.

 

Yes, it seems Amazon is "supposedly" cracking down on "Crypto" Erotica.  I suppose unlike IL-literotica that they finally figured out that unicorns and Pegasuses were stand-ins for actual horses.  Now I say supposedly because doing all the things that you supposedly couldn't do as far as searches went I did actually luck out and found the legendary Bigfoot porn hiding in "the Amazon".  And I acquired said Bigfoot porn, for the special low price of absolutely FREE, from Amazon.  Yeah, book banned from Amazon, being sold, by Amazon, as part of a huge holiday sale, from Amazon.  I do not like hairy bears, however I'm dying to read this because it is no doubt totally fucking hilarious.

 

I am also waiting with baited breath to read me some Dinosaur Porn.  I just get visions in my head of the Jurassic Style dildo collection that came out in the wake of the first Jurassic Park film.  And, just because I happen to know just a little about reptile and avian anatomy, I expect the Dinos in these pornos to be wearing strap-on versions.

House of Master Vyle 2014 MiniSode 1: The Year of the Horse



 

 

 Well, Fiends and Fright Fans, that's about it for now.  Yes, I know, it was just a little taste, but you can expect some more bad old goodness to be coming to you in the very near future.

 

See You After Vyle!

 

 

Master Vyle