The next foray into the erotic romance cheese cave is yet another "Naughty Nooner". This time out Seychelles Sunset by Lynne Connolly. There's nothing like a story with an exotic setting. Unfortunately, in this case, the exotic setting is pretty much in title alone, and really does nothing to add to the ambiance of the story.
Edie, a retired model and budding writer, is in her hotel room, awaiting the arrival of her plastic surgeon boyfriend, John. Edie is slightly insecure because she's ten years older than her boy toy. Plus, because she detest condoms she has just gotten back on the Pill at the ripe old age of 46. Her romantic get away seems to be turning into a downer when John calls and tells her he's still stuck in L.A. This leads to a bout of raunchy phone sex, which last until it is revealed that John is actually calling from inside her room.
The story itself is pretty basic, another story which looks like it has the quality one would expect out of someone still in high school. The exotic location is wasted, and completely comes off looking like a name chosen at random by the author, perhaps somewhere she's always wanted to go but has never actually been. The exposition is wasted by filling it with basically useless information, and it's even more wasteful here as Connolly is actually clever enough to use that information at the end of the story to book end it (Yeah, Creative Writing 101, Trick #1). The fact that the story revolves around an older woman and a younger man is presented as a major point, but actually turns out coming off as more passe than it really is in Connolly's hands. Everything beyond the story's brief sex scene is a jumbled mess, that again screams, "High School Writing Assignment!". Plus I can't imagine that anyone did not actually figure out the twist of John actually calling her from somewhere else within their suite from about "Hello", I mean it was just that painfully obvious that that was how the story was going to go.
I give Seychelles Sunset Three Stars. Despite the muddled mess that this story is it is plain to see that Lynne Connolly does have talent and imagination, and in the end I think this story would have been better served with a much longer length and more focus on its exotic location to add further ambiance. The story itself has received mixed reviews on both Amazon and Barnes & Noble, with an average review of Three Stars on both. Looking at the reviews of her works on Good Reads she has an average of a Four Star rating on most of her other stories, an indication to me that she perhaps actually does do better when writing in a longer format than the limited Naughty Nooners one.
You can find your copy Seychelles Sunset here:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Seychelles-Sunset-ebook/dp/B003SX12BM
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/seychelles-sunset-lynne-connolly/1022140619
All Romance eBooks: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-seychellessunset-437886-144.html
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| Master Vyle |
Well from the look of things up there I'm pretty sure that you know what's going to happen. Ellora's Cave, check. Naughty Nooner, check. Lame, recycled a bazillion times cover, check. Time to tear it a new one, nope.
Nope?
What? This freebie offering from the cheese cave isn't getting a new one? Really?
Well, of course not. You see because I'm Michael C. Laney, Master Vyle himself, and I'm all crazy like that! You never know quite what I'm gonna do 'cause, I'm all crazy like that! I say what I want, when I want and how I want, 'cause...
(Wait for it...... wait for it....)
...I'm all crazy like that!
You see this isn't the first story from Ellora's Cave that I liked. That honor actually goes to Vonna Harper's His Voice, His Command. Now if you know the story in question here you might say, "Well, hey, doesn't it fall slightly into that category of puppy dogs and fairies and unicorns and kitchen sink shit you despise as well as being erotic romance cheese?"
Yeah, just a little, but so what. I do like a good "erotic romance" story, when it's fairly well written, has a good story, and works, Ray Sostre's Their First Night Together for example.
Again, my opinions and tastes, the shit I say, my ratings system, and all that shit are all based on one thing, and if you've seen Give Me Turkey Necks!, then you know what that one thing is.... This guy is a nut... a total headcase, whackjob, cat hoarder who's got the papers to prove it, in addition to a letter from President Jimmy Carter.
But anyway, I'm getting pretty far away from the item at hand, and that is a short story by the name of Shapeshifter's Craving by Lee Pearce. It's the story of Kate, a princess, and her bodyguard, Aidan, in a quasi-magical land filled with shapeshifters, and in a kingdom where princesses banging their bodyguards is considered the norm, even to the point where "the King" pretty much expects it. In the beginning Kate has never used a bodyguard for pleasure, but like Ling in Kung Pow, Enter The Fist she quickly gets over her shyness. (Maybe even a little too quickly.)
Now for such a short story there's a great deal of information to take in, and the reader is dropped into the middle of a world of the author's imagination without much warning. It's high school writing for the most part, but we're talking B+ quality high school writing that shows a great deal of potential, and with several other authors I think Ms. Pearce's biggest mistake is limiting her story to such a short format. With expansion I feel that Shapeshifter's Craving would make a great novel.
Is it cheesy? A little. And it's definitely rushed, but I still found it interesting, and even a little endearing. Kate is a shapeshifter who has not chosen a particular animal form, so for the period the story covers she has the ability to become any animal. She also has a power which even she, at first, has no idea that she wields. Aidan has a little secret of his own, and together they work to explore the possibility of a life outside Kate's somewhat sheltered upbringing.
Is Shapeshifter's Craving the greatest, by no means, but there's a great deal of potential there, which is more than I can say for a lot of writers, in several genres, who crank out whatever and slap a price on it to make a few bucks. Lee Pearce is probably on the right track, and I can't wait to see her tackle a story in a larger format, because she has the imagination to actually tackle something over four or five pages. I give Shapeshifter's Craving Three and a Half Stars, and look forward to what Ms. Pearce has to offer in the future. On several sites this story has gotten mixed reviews, a fair share of those negative, however, once you sift through them it's apparent that most people found issue with the length of the story more than anything else.
You can find your copy of Shapeshifter's Craving here:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Shapeshifters-Craving-ebook/dp/B003SX125I
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shapeshifters-craving-lee-pearce/1021787537
All Romance eBooks: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-shapeshifter039scraving-423735-144.html
Again I lurk forward to reading more from Lee Pearce in the future.
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| Master Vyle |
Greetings, fiends and fright fans! If you didn't know it already a story collection by our friend from the North, Jason Darrick, is available free from Amazon until the end of the day today (Saturday, January 14, 2012) as part of his weekend giveaway to celebrate the first Friday the 13th of the New Year. Fear In Words Volume One: The Stories is a collection that comes heavily recommended by me, and it has been a long time (actually the very first) Kindle Featured Creature on this blog. Additionally, if you don't already know why Jason is a best seller, then I suggest you go and get your free copy and find out before any trip to Mr. Vore's house.
http://www.amazon.com/Stories-Fear-Words-ebook/dp/B0057OC8KY
You better get your copy now, because it is Friday the 13th Weekend, and his name IS Jason, and if you don't he will be lurking for you!
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| Master Vyle |
Well that time is here folks, the first review of the New Year! I have a lot to start clearing through to get my backlog in order, so I decided to start with a little erotic romance cheese. And, oh yeah, if I'm saying it's cheese (if the cover picture was not enough of an indication) then it must be from Ellora's Cave. "Mmmmm.... If it says Ellora's Cave it must be cheese". Yep, it's another (FANFARE) Naughty Nooner, this time from one Ari Thatcher, whose Amazon bio picture makes her look like Sally Spectra on crack.
I will admit that I had initially looked forward to reading this story, because with a title like Maui Heat it brought up images of the islands and beaches, and of course the lady vyle and I someday want to visit Hawaii if we never do anything else. However, as I'm sure you know, my expectations were sharply lowered after reading several of the other high noon stink cheese freebie specials that EC offers at the exact price they're worth, FREE!
Maui Heat is the story of Maggie and Gabe, two college students who are working at a resort in Maui over their summer break. And first off let me break into an aside and say what a neato, cool summer job that would be. In fact I'm sure all the money they made over the summer would actually cover their round-trip airfare to get there, as well as meals if they were not provided as a condition of their employment. Yes, I'm sure that the local Hawaiians love students from colleges flying in from all over to take their summer jobs. Wait, summer jobs in Hawaii? Isn't it summer year round there?
Okay, sorry. I'm getting carried away doing that thing that drives Gina Kincade crazy about me, applying facts and logic to cheesy romantic erotica. And really I should especially not care at all about the story since I'm a man. Get me through the mire so I can get to the stroke worthy stuff. (Oh, but only if there had been some stroke worthy stuff to be found.)
Let me get back to our two rejects who had to go to Maui and work at a resort instead of joining the Disney college program. It's the last night of the summer, and as the Rock would say, "FINALLY, Maggie and Gabe have decided to hook up!" Aren't there like 104 days of summer vacation? I know I'm getting back into a little Disney territory, but I am sure that the theme song to Phineas And Ferb plainly states, "There's 104 days of summer vacation, till school comes along just to end it". But anyway.... last night of summer, two horny college students who live across the country from each other, finally deciding to hook-up, erotic romance cheese!!!
Hey, Maggie, I know what we're going to do today.
Yeah, on that very last night, they're gonna fuck, or as they say in erotic romance they're gonna MAKE LOVE and PROBABLY FALL IN LOVE FOREVER... or some such crap.
Laughable? Laughable?
Well it seems that good little Maggie has admired her dreamboat from afar all summer. Keeping it real however, Gabe...
"...hooked up with one or two of the girls he knew he wouldn't get attached."
Maggie: Oh, Gabe, please, oh please, pull out your club and knock me out so you can drag me by the hair deeply into Ellora's Cave and I'll be your woman forever!
Even for a Naughty Nooner short Maui Heat is tedious, mainly because Ms. Thatcher attempts to make it into an actual story. Unfortunately her attempt to tell a story is negated by the fact that the story she tries to tell is not at all interesting. Just as the get it on is coming Gabe is pulled away to break up a fight somewhere, and Maggie is left all on her own, thinking he will never come back and getting groped be a drunk who seems to have a little more interest in her than her man slut Gabe.
They finally do get together and alone, and Ms. Thatcher whops out her can of spray cheese to give them a healthy squirt with lines such as...
" 'So tight. You're milking me already.' He thrust again, withdrew, and reached to find her clit with his thumb. 'I want you there with me. Come with me, baby.' "
Well... Go! Go Gadget Thumb! Where the hell was Shain Brown to read me that in his falsetto Arnold voice and make me really laugh?
Then of course there's the obligatory...
"Their lovemaking had taken her far beyond any place she could have ever imagined." (Yep, and it took one or two other girls there earlier in the summer as well. Too bad it didn't take me there.) "No matter what happened after they went their separate ways, she would always have this night."
Oh, gasp. Oh, gush! Oh, BALONEY!
The most entertaining little nugget of unintentional humor comes in the author's bio, where it states that...
"Ari Thatcher is a native Los Angelean who is avidly approaching her cougar years."
She's "avidly approaching her cougar years" ! How the hell do you avidly approach anything?
You are from Los Angeles, check, You look kind of like Sally Spectra, check. Mmmmm... but not enough like Sally Spectra for me, so that'll be a rain check, you wascally cougar, you! Doctor please come and get me with your TARDIS and take me to the set of The Bold And The Beautiful somewhere around 1989 when Darlene Conley was alive and hot!
Additionally her bio states that...
"When she's not hunting her next prey, she can be found writing down her fantasies."
I can guess which one she does more of. I can also tell you that she does that very poorly.
Across several sites Maui Heat has gotten mixed reviews, though mainly negative ones, and it averages somewhere in the neighborhood of Two Stars. Me, well I'm not that generous. Maui Heat rates One Star with me and it did nothing to entice me to read its sequel, Maui Rekindled, or any of Thatcher's other works.
If you can't do without this piece of freebie cheese in your collection you can find it here:
Amazon.Com: http://www.amazon.com/Maui-Heat-ebook/dp/B003SX0Y5C
Sony eReader Store: http://ebookstore.sony.com/ebook/ari-thatcher/maui-heat/_/R-400000000000000237549
Lurk it up if you dare!
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| Master Vyle |
First off I am going to begin this review by quoting what I believe the wolf on the cover is saying:
"ARRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Now I'm not going to say that Blain's Mates by Sayde Grace is a total dog, however it's not anything to howl about either. I have done my best not to let my expectations going into the story temper my review, though I do think many readers may start out under the impression that since the story involves werewolves and bisexual men they are going to see werewolves and at least a little guy on guy action. Well, instead of giving us a hot werewolf scrumpin' scene like the one shown in the film version of The Howling we get a story that has less werewolf in it than The Howling: New Moon Rising (which was 95% scenes of line dancing and beer drinkin', 2% awful werewolf costumes that would not have passed in z-grade 60's horror films and 3% bad acting). As for the guy on guy action, well it is certainly alluded to but never really materializes.
Blain's Mates is basically the story of Blain Jacobs, second in command and male lover to Shawn Sanders, the Alpha male of the local werewolf clan. To secure his position as the leader of the clan Shawn must have a (female) mate. Enter hot and much sought after female member of the clan Raylen Walker, who both are hopelessly in love with (as well as being hopelessly in love with each other). Magically the participants must all mate together at the same magical moment to seal the three of them as being mated for life, which sounds pretty hot, and it probably would be if it was handled much better.
A majority of this extremely short story is centered on Blain waffling on whether or not he is going to actually join the bond, as well as him thinking about how hot Shawn is (though with a lack of any sexual flashbacks). The length in the end is the real killer, and the story comes off as neither erotic or very romantic. Had Ms. Grace perhaps written more it would have made a huge difference, because as I have said before sometimes stories do work and work really well without the elements the readers are expecting in them, but in the case of this story Sayde Grace does not give herself that much else to work with. Instead the reader is suddenly dropped into a story and Universe without much reference as to what is going on. It is listed as part of Grace's Moon Creek Series, however thus far Blain's Mates is the only entry and I cannot see that it is enticing enough to get readers to purchase future stories in the series.
In all honesty I have to say that I do think the Ms. Grace has some good ideas and concepts. However, she needs to really spin this tale out in a longer format. Her writing style is not awful, but it is not overly thrilling. I rate Blain's Mates Three Stars, and I hope to see if Sayde Grace does better with stories written in a longer format, because she certainly has imagination. It just needs to be expanded upon and refined.
Here is where you can find Sayde Grace's Blain's Mates:
All Romance eBooks: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-blainsmates-513132-139.html
OmniLit: http://www.omnilit.com/product-blainsmates-513132-139.html
Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/39608
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| Master Vyle |
Since I'm feeling pretty much back to normal it's time to hit another review that's been on the back burner for awhile. Yes, I'm finally getting to Fear In Words Volume Two: The Poems by my friend from the north Jason Darrick. I'm sure that this review couldn't come at a better time, since last night his countryman, Paul Michael Levesque, was dissed by pretty much the entire WWE staff and roster, while John Cena and C.M. Punk were in the back shaking hands, or whatever so they would not been seen in public giving Triple H the big diss and look like a couple of haters. But anyway, I'm not going to turn this into a Master Vyle Championship Wrestling Blog post, just a little something I had to get out of the way. (And believe me it could use something because I said a month ago I would post there once a week, and well it's kind of been a month since I posted there.)
Anyway...
Poetry is one of those things that is a hard sell. In fact it is a point Jason and I agreed on yesterday afternoon as we tweeted back and forth. He had made it through the Ten Poems part of A Letter To Doctor Freudstein - Demoni - And Ten Poems and said he liked some and didn't like others. I told him I pretty much expected that, my feeling on anthologies and collections extending to my own once they're in someone else's hands. He said that he didn't expect everyone to embrace every one of his either. Not only is poetry a hard sell, but it's often a hard write. At least it usually is for me. For others the words just flow on out in no time, and boom they've got a collection.
Overall I have to say that I like Fear In Words Volume Two: The Poems better than I do most poetry collections. If nothing else every single one is well written, and you can tell that Jason put a lot of though into each one. The collection covers quite a range of things: horror, insanity, murder, even a little political commentary. (I think.) It's short and sweet, will probably take most people an hour or two to read depending on your speed and comprehension ability.
Out of the ten poems in the collection I would have to say that 'Guillotine' and 'Catch Me If You Can' are a couple of my favorites. 'Jump' is another good one, and the final poem in the collection, 'The Game', (Nothing to do with the afore mentioned Mr. Levesque) helps it end with a bang. Overall I can't help but give Fear In Words Volume Two: The Poems anything less than a solid Five Stars.
Here's where to get Fear In Words Volume Two: The Poems. It should be coming to more outlets soon, and I will keep you posted as soon as I know additional sites. Plus Jason is putting this out there for free, so there's no reason to put it on your wish list, just go an get it!
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fear-in-words-volume-two-jason-darrick/1105650028
Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/86003
Also be sure to lurk Jason Darrick up on FaceBook and follow him on Twitter @Fear_In_Words. And by the way he also writes about his own thoughts on writing and reviews on his awesome blog, Fear In Words http://jasondarrickfiw.blogspot.com .
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| Master Vyle |
