Next up for review is a classic piece of, what I believe the old timers called, "pornographic garbage", from that age before the Internet and when you had to go to the store to get your porn the old fashioned way, the 80's, The Chamber Of Pleasures by Opal Andrews. It was kind of a treat to get a hold of this book, since I grew up on Bee Line cheapies and "letters" magazines. And as I began reading the story I found myself doubly delighted, because it seemed that Andrews was writing the same kind of story that I, myself, have always tried to tell. Unfortunately, like the 80's, nothing last forever.
The Chamber Of Pleasures is the story of Victoria, sole child in a poor family who goes to live with her Aunt Isobel, to relieve her parents' financial burden. Soon after moving in with her aunt Victoria's parents commit suicide, leaving her with her strict and somewhat domineering aunt, who decides to rename her Tori. Soon she learns a secret about her rich and dominant aunt, she's actually a submissive sex slave to her neighbor, Erik Parker, and his servants, Lois and Miles, a fact she learns by sneaking out one night and viewing the goings on through Parker's basement window.
The things she has seen through the basement window begin to give Tori ideas, fueling her need to masturbate, and masturbate often. Then her aunt goes back to Tori's home to take care of her parent's estate, and in her absence Parker and his servants kidnap Tori, teaching her that the chamber of pleasures is anything but.
The story starts out with a slow and steady pace, and looks very much like something other than trashy/shock fare, all told in diary form (mostly from Victoria's point of view). Once she's kidnapped what was an above average story begins to fall apart and becomes a gratuitous series of rape scenes (mainly anal), that our heroine flip-flops between loving and hating. Her life and actions after being released from her captors further devalues the beginning quarter of the novel. The faux Victorian style that Victoria writes in is slightly charming at first, but begins to get annoying after a while, even to the point that Lois makes fun of it during the period she had seized the diary and is relating what is happening to her during her imprisonment.
Of course it goes without saying the narrative provides plenty of unintentional humor as modern Tori attempts to describe sexual situations in a refined style. Andrews gives us such gems as:
"The poor mistreated ripe melons of her breasts jiggled and bounced and swung wildly."
And this line describing Lois and Miles engaging in oral sex:
"But now, even as I stared, the menacing cylinder of steely sexual flesh throbbed and jerked before the face of the kneeling Lois."
While masturbating Tori massages her breasts, noting:
"Without my awareness my own hands caught and massaged my bosom's soft round bulges, unconsciously crushing and worrying the swollen tips until I find them still tender as I write this..."
In describing herself giving oral sex Tori says:
"I ate him then, sliding my mouth and face up and down the big throbbing red pole of his sex until my forehead and strained, tautened cheeks glistened with sweat from my exertions."
Wait! His pole of sex was red???
Then there's this line describing anal sex:
"Ummm-m-m-mmm," I sighed, smiling as I felt the big solid prick slide up and up into the often opened and probed but still tight hot hole that leads up into my bowels."
Yes, kids, I shit you not. Above is an example of the extreme lack of commas in the 1980's.
Of course Ms. Andrews is not above giving us a nice and romantic line. Like this one:
"He opened my thighs as he'd have pulled apart those of a suddenly coy whore."
And:
"I squealed and drummed my heels on the bed when his tight furry balls gushed their sperm deep into the receptacle for his masculine offering."
Later on Tori is not afraid to take charge:
"I impaled my own rectum on the great shaft just as it started to spew forth its liquid lust!"
Wouldn't that fall under post-mature lubrication more than premature ejaculation?
Finally, she knows that her lover has the ability to produce some strong swimmers, as she says:
"But we soon had him nestled between the cheeks of my bottom, pumping and pumping and soon he sent another lake of liquid seed up to meet that he had poured down my throat."
All in all The Chamber Of Pleasures is not a totally terrible work, although it is not all that great, nor does it advocate Safe, Sane or Consensual BDSM. It was pretty obvious from the beginning of the novel that Opal Andrews could craft an interesting and engrossing story, but unfortunately once it got to the sex the story became as cheap and tawdry as any badly made porn film from the era. In the end The Chamber Of Pleasures gets Three Stars from me.
You can get your copy of The Chamber Of Pleasures here:
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-chamber-of-pleasures-opal-andrews/1107746992
Lurk for it if you dare to brave horrible faux Victorian dialogue.
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| Master Vyle |
The next foray into the erotic romance cheese cave is yet another "Naughty Nooner". This time out Seychelles Sunset by Lynne Connolly. There's nothing like a story with an exotic setting. Unfortunately, in this case, the exotic setting is pretty much in title alone, and really does nothing to add to the ambiance of the story.
Edie, a retired model and budding writer, is in her hotel room, awaiting the arrival of her plastic surgeon boyfriend, John. Edie is slightly insecure because she's ten years older than her boy toy. Plus, because she detest condoms she has just gotten back on the Pill at the ripe old age of 46. Her romantic get away seems to be turning into a downer when John calls and tells her he's still stuck in L.A. This leads to a bout of raunchy phone sex, which last until it is revealed that John is actually calling from inside her room.
The story itself is pretty basic, another story which looks like it has the quality one would expect out of someone still in high school. The exotic location is wasted, and completely comes off looking like a name chosen at random by the author, perhaps somewhere she's always wanted to go but has never actually been. The exposition is wasted by filling it with basically useless information, and it's even more wasteful here as Connolly is actually clever enough to use that information at the end of the story to book end it (Yeah, Creative Writing 101, Trick #1). The fact that the story revolves around an older woman and a younger man is presented as a major point, but actually turns out coming off as more passe than it really is in Connolly's hands. Everything beyond the story's brief sex scene is a jumbled mess, that again screams, "High School Writing Assignment!". Plus I can't imagine that anyone did not actually figure out the twist of John actually calling her from somewhere else within their suite from about "Hello", I mean it was just that painfully obvious that that was how the story was going to go.
I give Seychelles Sunset Three Stars. Despite the muddled mess that this story is it is plain to see that Lynne Connolly does have talent and imagination, and in the end I think this story would have been better served with a much longer length and more focus on its exotic location to add further ambiance. The story itself has received mixed reviews on both Amazon and Barnes & Noble, with an average review of Three Stars on both. Looking at the reviews of her works on Good Reads she has an average of a Four Star rating on most of her other stories, an indication to me that she perhaps actually does do better when writing in a longer format than the limited Naughty Nooners one.
You can find your copy Seychelles Sunset here:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Seychelles-Sunset-ebook/dp/B003SX12BM
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/seychelles-sunset-lynne-connolly/1022140619
All Romance eBooks: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-seychellessunset-437886-144.html
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| Master Vyle |
They say that you never forget your first, and for me this one was a first in two areas. Not only was Wolfsbane my first William W. Johnstone book, but it was also the first book I ever owned from Zebra Books. Published in the late 1980's the book came from a time when Zebra's Horror imprint was on top and nearly every edition had a skull or skeleton in the artwork on the cover. (And as I am sure you know I have a huge skull and skeleton fetish.)
The story was my introduction to the typical Johnstone horror tale, featuring monsters, cults, Satanism, a former war hero/soldier of fortune male lead, salacious sex and graphic violence. Johnstone's horror to many is a cheap man's Stephen King, penny dreadfuls churned out in a hackish, but endearing style. In this story a cult of Satanic werewolves has set up shop in Durcos Parrish, Louisiana, to do the dirty work of the Dark Lord, as well as assorted other naughty things, and it's up to Johnstone's dye-cut, bad ass, hero to take them all down.
I have to admit that William W. Johnstone is one of my favorites, and despite his style and sometimes carbon-copy (plug cliche in here) storytelling and stories, I do count him in as one of my influences because one thing he always was innovative with was coming up with new ways to maim and dismember victims in his stories. Of course, when I speak of William W. Johnstone I do mean the actual William W. Johnstone and not the "continuation" of his western works since his death in 2004 by "J.A. Johnstone" or other ghost writers. Wolfsbane itself is from a time when Johnstone's horror work was beginning to really take off. It is not my favorite Johnstone book, but it did hold my interest enough to make me want to buy more of his works, thus turning me into a rabid Johnstone fan.
I give Wolfsbane by William W. Johnstone Four Stars. If you have never read him before he is well worth the read, and he was a very versatile writer in his time, writing not only horror and westerns, but also men's adventure, post apocalyptic and even contemporary romance. Many of his horror stories are out-of-print, but if you can find one in good condition and at a reasonable price I can assure you that you've found gold. Be sure to keep a lurk out for this blast from the past!
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| Master Vyle |
