Sunday, July 24, 2011

Joining Das FaceBook-en! Why I Dit It.

Last week I finally did it.  I finally broke down and joined FaceBook, or as I call it Das FaceBook-en.  Yeah, I know I said I would never do it.  Yes I refer to its founder as Mark Dicksuckerburg and have had not one nice thing to say about him.  In fact I usually can't say enough bad things about this bratty little man child, and social networking.

So why did I do it?

You really joined FB, a lot of Twitter friends have asked.  "Dude, I thought you hated FaceBook", more than one of my everyday friends has stated.

Well of course I didn't do it without ulterior motives.  First and foremost, due to its reputation as a place to find lost friends and family members, and ex'es to stalk, I joined in the hopes of finding my best friend (Howard) Scott Smith.  I have not seen him in over 12 years and everywhere I've looked has been a dead end.  The last bit of information I found about him was that he was living in Eagle Lake, Florida, and playing with a band named No Licence Required (NLR).  Scott has been in several bands over the years and is pretty much known for not being able to play well with others, so his former band mates have pretty much ignored my request for any information about his whereabouts.

I feel pretty sure that there has to be at least one person from my past who I might run across who knows where he is.  Hell, he may even have a FB account, but there's a bazillion pages of Scott Smiths and Howard Smiths and Howard Scott Smiths, so so far no luck.  So if anyone will give me a hand in finding him or letting me know what happened to him I would greatly appreciate it.  Unfortunately and for various reasons I have no photos of him, but I am sure anyone who knows us both doesn't need one.

George Orwell's 1984
 Other than finding Scott I have to admit that I am also intending to do a little self-promotion through Das FaceBook-en. 

Why do I call it Das FaceBook-en anyway?  Well I think the main picture on this article might clue you in as to what I think of Mark Zuckerburg.  This guy has some serious issues.  He initially created FB because he couldn't get chicks and wanted to teach everyone a lesson.  Judging from his rules and views it's pretty plain to see college wasn't enough so now he wants to teach the rest of the world and make it fall in line with his ideals.  Some people will probably think that comparing Dicksuckerburg to Hitler is a little extreme, maybe a little ironic even in some ways.  Well he may never have the skills to be just like Hitler, but he definitely is on par with Syndrome from The Incredibles, and I don't think I'm too off base there as I believe that Syndrome is actually based on Dicksuckerburg.

Was Orwell was only a few decades off?

When I was a kid there was much made of the year 1984, because George Orwell's 1948 novel, 1984, predicted a totalitarian society where everyone was expected to conform.  Sound familiar?  In the past several years employers are more and more interested on what their employees are saying online and in their own time, about the companies they work for and everything else, supposedly for the sake of making sure that no one is saying anything to reflect badly on them.  Dicksuckerburg's vision of no one being able to have a separate personal and online life ("With my inventions, soon everyone will be super! And then no one will be." - Syndrome) seems to fall in line with this, and Das FaceBook-en has more and more acted as a facilitator for companies intent on spying on their workers.  Remember Back To The Future Part II and how alternate Marty McFly is fired from his job instantly after doing something his company didn't feel was in line with its guidelines or the law?  That was set in 2013 by the way and we're halfway through 2011.  Kind of funny and a little ironic.

So welcome to 1984, which was actually 2008 or so.  Welcome to a world where Mark Dicksuckerburg is Big Brother, despite the fact that he's more like that annoying little brother that all your friends hate.  And I swear when I imagine him speaking that I hear the voice of Mandark from Dexter's Laboratory coming out, but in German.

While on vacation I visited the Florida Holocaust Museum, and one of its purposes is to remind us to watch out and to make sure that history does not repeat itself.  Do I think that a some kind of  Neo-Nazi empire or socialist state could rise centered around FaceBook, social networking and cyberspace?  I'm sure that more than one person laughed at the idea of Orwell's 1984 being anything close to reality from the time it was published and right up through the 90's, but now look at how big business is exploiting social media to keep tabs on its workers.

As for Me, I think it sucks.  I felt that through the 90's the world was becoming a better place.  Then political correctness spread like wildfire, as did the growth of the "Global Village" which in turn produced a bazillion global village idiots.  I hate the fact that the world seemed like it came so far only to suddenly thrust back toward some Victorian Era ideal of what was proper.  I also have to point out that there were no Unions in the Victorian Era, so you can assume that most workers were treated less than human back then.

When I'm on my own time then I'm going to be Me, and I don't care what Mark Dicksuckerburg or big business think about it.  And believe Me I will stay that way until the day whatever passes as the Gestapo of this New World Order comes to drag Me away and put Me on trial, because if things keep going the way they are I'm seeing that it's likely to happen in My lifetime.  However as long as we're still all free, and as long as there are attorneys, I will fight any restrictive rule that anyone comes up with and tries to impose on me to prove that companies and spoiled little nerdy brats that can't get chicks have no right to dictate my personal time.

Man bites dog.

Michael C. Laney joins FaceBook.

Yes, it's ironic that I joined up at a time when figures from around the world show that people afraid of being spied on are deleting their accounts in droves.  But it's okay.  I ain't scared of Mark Zuckerburg, no more than I was scared of Amazon.  And who's peddling My wares right now?  Hummmm, thinking it begins with an A.

Master Vyle

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