Sunday, July 24, 2011

Review: The After Party by Wynter Daniels

Okay, I think that by now most people know I have a strong aversion to the term "erotic romance".  And I would have to say that The After Party by Wynter Daniels is a good example of why.  On a side note I first came across erotic romance over a year ago when I first began to explore the possibility of having a eBook published.  It just so happens that the publisher of this story, Ellora's Cave, was one of the first ones I checked in to.  Let Me tell you that Ellora's Cave is a good name from this publisher, because so far both stories I read published by them were total cheese.

On another side note the term Quickies, according to the information at the front of the story, is a registered trademark of Ellora's Cave.  Oh, yeah, I count that as being on par with some asshole company in New York making Bike Week a registered trademark.  Yes, kids, you just entered no respect from Master Vyle country.

Of course also being from their Naughty Nooners line (another registered TM),  and being offered as a free download I expected this story to be much better than it was.  I do my best to make an effort to offer stories that are going to generate sales for other stories when offering them for free.  This means that I do my best to offer superior stories.  Well, one could only hope that Ellora's Cave follows the tail end of that philosophy, because if I were paying I wouldn't want it to be for anything of lower quality.  Yes I know it sounds like I'm just out to trash The After Party, but it is this kind of story that gives independent writers the reputation of being hacks.

The plot is simple enough.  In fact there's actually nothing too original about it.  Woman meets stranger at wedding reception.  Woman has stranger take her home after wedding reception.  Woman has about four or five minutes of sex on the couch with stranger after wedding reception.

I'm supposing that Wynter didn't read between the lines when Jeff Foxworthy said, "If you go to the family reunion to meet women, you might be a redneck."  Had she it would have lead her to the conclusion that, "If you get buzzed on champagne and pick up a guy at your cousin's wedding reception, you might be a redneck."

Oh, my it leads to some non-suspense at the end that readers from the Victorian Era would have though of as an everyday occurrence.  Are we cousins or something?  A five second subplot.  It goes along with other senseless subplots such as: We both teach, we both have cats, we're both into mythology, and Oh, I babysat the guy I just did it with when he was a kid and hated him.

Did I just day "did it"?  Well yes, of course, because in an erotic romance, even if you're hooking up with a total stranger for some quick scrumpin' on the couch, it's described as "love making".

Now of course I'm all about fetishes.  Strange, strange fetishes.  However Wynter Daniels has some new ones on Me and the lady vyle.  Her heroine seems to have something for trees:

"He smelled of pine and fresh cut grass."

You mean like a gardener?

"I swooned at his piney scent."

Huh?  That has me imagining you do a lot of one handed driving whenever you change the air freshener in your car.

Yes some of the lines in this story are comic gold, but unlike Giselle Renarde's Goose Girl the comedy is not intentional.  Nope, The After Party contains such gems as:

"God, what is it about weddings that always makes me horny?"


"He tasted of mint and champagne. And lust."

Woah, sizzling!

"When he bit at my nipple through my bra, I thought I might incinerate right there on my floral patterned couch on Willow Lane."

Damn, Stephen King could have done that in less words.  Hell, honey, I would have been more concerned about the cushions getting wet and not burned.

"His hard cock pushed against my thigh, beckoning to me."

Hey, if he was really good he would make his cock do that from the other side of the room.  But that isn't the worst part.  The worst part is that right in the middle of what may have actually been a hot couch scrumpin' scene we get this:

" 'Wait.' Lifting me off his lap, he planted a kiss on my nose then sat me on the sofa next to him. He stripped off his boxers and reached for his pants on the floor. Then he dug in the pocket and emerged with a silver wrapped packet. He tore it open and deftly rolled a condom on to his erect shaft."

Yes, it was scenes like that which made RoboFox 2 one of the worst adult films ever made.  Which considering the fact that in the first RoboFox the titular RoboFox rubbed the semen from the money shot in all her partners' faces is pretty bad and pretty much reveals my opinion this story.  I give The After Party two stars and that's pushing it.

Of course different strokes for different folks.  The story actually has a fair deal of good reviews on Amazon.  The only person who really gave it a scathing review was The English Teacher, who is now My hero, and his was even more critical than this one.  So I suppose you will have to see for yourself and tell Me if I'm wrong or not.

The After Party is available for free from Amazon.Com:

Wynter Daniels is the pseudonym for Florida author Dara Edmondson.  You can find out more about her and her works on her Amazon Author's Page and on her Author Bio Page at Ellora's Cave, .

Master Vyle

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