Sunday, January 29, 2012

Review: The Chamber Of Pleasures by Opal Andrews

Next up for review is a classic piece of, what I believe the old timers called, "pornographic garbage", from that age before the Internet and when you had to go to the store to get your porn the old fashioned way, the 80's, The Chamber Of Pleasures by Opal Andrews.  It was kind of a treat to get a hold of this book, since I grew up on Bee Line cheapies and "letters" magazines.  And as I began reading the story I found myself doubly delighted, because it seemed that Andrews was writing the same kind of story that I, myself, have always tried to tell.  Unfortunately, like the 80's, nothing last forever.

The Chamber Of Pleasures is the story of Victoria, sole child in a poor family who goes to live with her Aunt Isobel, to relieve her parents' financial burden.  Soon after moving in with her aunt Victoria's parents commit suicide, leaving her with her strict and somewhat domineering aunt, who decides to rename her Tori.  Soon she learns a secret about her rich and dominant aunt, she's actually a submissive sex slave to her neighbor, Erik Parker, and his servants, Lois and Miles, a fact she learns by sneaking out one night and viewing the goings on through Parker's basement window.

The things she has seen through the basement window begin to give Tori ideas, fueling her need to masturbate, and masturbate often.  Then her aunt goes back to Tori's home to take care of her parent's estate, and in her absence Parker and his servants kidnap Tori, teaching her that the chamber of pleasures is anything but.

The story starts out with a slow and steady pace, and looks very much like something other than trashy/shock fare, all told in diary form (mostly from Victoria's point of view).  Once she's kidnapped what was an above average story begins to fall apart and becomes a gratuitous series of rape scenes (mainly anal), that our heroine flip-flops between loving and hating.  Her life and actions after being released from her captors further devalues the beginning quarter of the novel.  The faux Victorian style that Victoria writes in is slightly charming at first, but begins to get annoying after a while, even to the point that Lois makes fun of it during the period she had seized the diary and is relating what is happening to her during her imprisonment.

Of course it goes without saying the narrative provides plenty of unintentional humor as modern Tori attempts to describe sexual situations in a refined style.  Andrews gives us such gems as:

"The poor mistreated ripe melons of her breasts jiggled and bounced and swung wildly."

And this line describing Lois and Miles engaging in oral sex:

"But now, even as I stared, the menacing cylinder of steely sexual flesh throbbed and jerked before the face of the kneeling Lois."

While masturbating Tori massages her breasts, noting:

"Without my awareness my own hands caught and massaged my bosom's soft round bulges, unconsciously crushing and worrying the swollen tips until I find them still tender as I write this..."

In describing herself giving oral sex Tori says:

"I ate him then, sliding my mouth and face up and down the big throbbing red pole of his sex until my forehead and strained, tautened cheeks glistened with sweat from my exertions."

Wait!  His pole of sex was red???

Then there's this line describing anal sex:

"Ummm-m-m-mmm," I sighed, smiling as I felt the big solid prick slide up and up into the often opened and probed but still tight hot hole that leads up into my bowels."

Yes, kids, I shit you not.  Above is an example of the extreme lack of commas in the 1980's.

Of course Ms. Andrews is not above giving us a nice and romantic line.  Like this one:

"He opened my thighs as he'd have pulled apart those of a suddenly coy whore."


"I squealed and drummed my heels on the bed when his tight furry balls gushed their sperm deep into the receptacle for his masculine offering."

Later on Tori is not afraid to take charge:

"I impaled my own rectum on the great shaft just as it started to spew forth its liquid lust!"

Wouldn't that fall under post-mature lubrication more than premature ejaculation?

Finally, she knows that her lover has the ability to produce some strong swimmers, as she says:

"But we soon had him nestled between the cheeks of my bottom, pumping and pumping and soon he sent another lake of liquid seed up to meet that he had poured down my throat."

All in all The Chamber Of Pleasures is not a totally terrible work, although it is not all that great, nor does it advocate Safe, Sane or Consensual BDSM.  It was pretty obvious from the beginning of the novel that Opal Andrews could craft an interesting and engrossing story, but unfortunately once it got to the sex the story became as cheap and tawdry as any badly made porn film from the era.  In the end The Chamber Of Pleasures gets Three Stars from me.

You can get your copy of The Chamber Of Pleasures here:

Barnes & Noble:

Lurk for it if you dare to brave horrible faux Victorian dialogue.

Master Vyle

Review: Seychelles Sunset by Lynne Connolly

The next foray into the erotic romance cheese cave is yet another "Naughty Nooner".  This time out Seychelles Sunset by Lynne Connolly.  There's nothing like a story with an exotic setting.  Unfortunately, in this case, the exotic setting is pretty much in title alone, and really does nothing to add to the ambiance of the story.

Edie, a retired model and budding writer, is in her hotel room, awaiting the arrival of her plastic surgeon boyfriend, John.  Edie is slightly insecure because she's ten years older than her boy toy.  Plus, because she detest condoms she has just gotten back on the Pill at the ripe old age of 46.  Her romantic get away seems to be turning into a downer when John calls and tells her he's still stuck in L.A.  This leads to a bout of raunchy phone sex, which last until it is revealed that John is actually calling from inside her room.

The story itself is pretty basic, another story which looks like it has the quality one would expect out of someone still in high school.  The exotic location is wasted, and completely comes off looking like a name chosen at random by the author, perhaps somewhere she's always wanted to go but has never actually been.  The exposition is wasted by filling it with basically useless information, and it's even more wasteful here as Connolly is actually clever enough to use that information at the end of the story to book end it (Yeah, Creative Writing 101, Trick #1).  The fact that the story revolves around an older woman and a younger man is presented as a major point, but actually turns out coming off as more passe than it really is in Connolly's hands.  Everything beyond the story's brief sex scene is a jumbled mess, that again screams, "High School Writing Assignment!".  Plus I can't imagine that anyone did not actually figure out the twist of John actually calling her from somewhere else within their suite from about "Hello", I mean it was just that painfully obvious that that was how the story was going to go.

I give Seychelles Sunset Three Stars.  Despite the muddled mess that this story is it is plain to see that Lynne Connolly does have talent and imagination, and in the end I think this story would have been better served with a much longer length and more focus on its exotic location to add further ambiance.  The story itself has received mixed reviews on both Amazon and Barnes & Noble, with an average review of Three Stars on both.  Looking at  the reviews of her works on Good Reads she has an average of a Four Star rating on most of her other stories, an indication to me that she perhaps actually does do better when writing in a longer format than the limited Naughty Nooners one.

You can find your copy Seychelles Sunset here:

Barnes & Noble:
All Romance eBooks:

Master Vyle

Review: Wolfsbane by William W. Johnstone

They say that you never forget your first, and for me this one was a first in two areas.  Not only was Wolfsbane my first William W. Johnstone book, but it was also the first book I ever owned from Zebra Books.  Published in the late 1980's the book came from a time when Zebra's Horror imprint was on top and nearly every edition had a skull or skeleton in the artwork on the cover.  (And as I am sure you know I have a huge skull and skeleton fetish.)

The story was my introduction to the typical Johnstone horror tale, featuring monsters, cults, Satanism, a former war hero/soldier of fortune male lead, salacious sex and graphic violence.  Johnstone's horror to many is a cheap man's Stephen King, penny dreadfuls churned out in a hackish, but endearing style.  In this story a cult of Satanic werewolves has set up shop in Durcos Parrish, Louisiana, to do the dirty work of the Dark Lord, as well as assorted other naughty things, and it's up to Johnstone's dye-cut, bad ass, hero to take them all down.

I have to admit that William W. Johnstone is one of my favorites, and despite his style and sometimes carbon-copy (plug cliche in here) storytelling and stories, I do count him in as one of my influences because one thing he always was innovative with was coming up with new ways to maim and dismember victims in his stories.  Of course, when I speak of William W. Johnstone I do mean the actual William W. Johnstone and not the "continuation" of his western works since his death in 2004 by "J.A. Johnstone" or other ghost writers.  Wolfsbane itself is from a time when Johnstone's horror work was beginning to really take off.  It is not my favorite Johnstone book, but it did hold my interest enough to make me want to buy more of his works, thus turning me into a rabid Johnstone fan.

I give Wolfsbane by William W. Johnstone Four Stars.  If you have never read him before he is well worth the read, and he was a very versatile writer in his time, writing not only horror and westerns, but also men's adventure, post apocalyptic and even contemporary romance.  Many of his horror stories are out-of-print, but if you can find one in good condition and at a reasonable price I can assure you that you've found gold.  Be sure to keep a lurk out for this blast from the past!

Master Vyle

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Review: Lusting While Dusting by Aussiescribbler

If you've ever been a member of a story submission site, and you like hanging out in the forums then you've probably come across an author or two who looks pretty interesting, and you say to yourself, Yeah, I should check their stuff out.  However, either your own work, or a list of other things to read (or do) keeps you from getting around to it.  There was such a person when I was a member of Lushstories that fell into that category, someone who was on my "to read" list, but  I never got to.  Well, one of the few things good that happened after I joined das FaceBooken was that I came across that person again, one Aussiescribbler.  And I have to say that I'm glad to have found the time to give him a read as the awesome Aussiescribbler brings a unique blend of comedy and eroticism in little doses that always leave a smile on my face by the time I get to the end.  (And how many people can say that an erotic story made them smile while still dressed from the waist down?)  If you've ever had the pleasure of reading any of Auss's stories you know why he calls them Funny Boners.

First in the que of the awesome Aussie's stories that I have been sitting on is a little tale by the name of Lusting While Dusting.  It's a very quick read about a man who works for a fully nude cleaning service.  His one client, Dora, is quite a problem.  She's always being suggestive as to the things he should clean.  The rules are specific about employee/customer contact, but when you're as inventive as Da-da, da-da-da, Dora, there's always a way around the rules!

I was going to quote my favorite line from this little story, but it is such a short piece that I'm afraid that it would give too much away.  One of Auss's greatest talents is telling an entertaining story in a very few pages and making it work.  That's why Lusting While Dusting is every bit worth the Five Stars I'm giving it.

Now, here's the best part.  Right now, at this moment, Aussiescribbler is making his entire body of work free, so it's a great time to become acquainted with the erotic humor author from Down Under.

You can get your copy of Lusting While Dusting here:

Barnes & Noble:
iTunes Book Store:
Free eBook Online:
Sony eBook Store:
Diesel eBook Store:

Be sure to lurk for it as well as Mr. Scribbler's other fine works.

Master Vyle

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Descent To Venus Released As An eBook

One of my earliest BBW erotica short stories Descent To Venus is now available as an eBook from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, All Romance eBooks and OmniLit.

Simon Raver, a night club DJ, is on a quest to find his ideal woman, BBW Venus.  He has always loved Big Beautiful Women, but the circumstances never seem to be just right for finding the one he will be with, and make happy, forever.  While attending a CD release party for a rap group getting passed their glory days he meets Cassie, a married woman who seems to fit his ideal image.  They leave the party and he spends the evening pleasing a woman whose needs have been neglected by her husband in ways that she’s never been before, each time he makes his descent to Venus!

Barnes & Noble:
All Romance eBooks:

Master Vyle

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Review: Blood Sisters by Deborah Sherwood

Well, fiends and fright fans, today I'm going to be taking a look at a little something from the Golden Age of horror novels, the late 80's and early 90's, when Zebra Books was King and their cover art was usually far superior to the stories behind them.  Blood Sisters by Deborah Sherwood is the tale of a group of popular girls who have to take the local, awkward, "ugly duckling" into their group.  While initiating her into their little clique she winds up dead.  Or does she?  Flash forward to their 20 year class reunion.  Life has been different, and harsh in some cases, for this little clique.  As the reunion goes on they begin to see their "old friend", and they struggle with trying to keep their dark secret a secret.

Blood Sisters is a fairly drawn out and contrived novel that plays out like a bad movie of the week from the 70's. The kind that were packed with has-been, fading, starlets and an equal amount of plot holes and directionless subplots. In a way I found this novel a little ahead of its time with a combination of things that would be done to better effect in the late 90's and early 2000's in films like I Know What You Did Last Summer, Jawbreaker and Mean Girls. Overall the story has a senseless resolution, and it makes the end of that occult/sci-fi movie of the week classic, Invitation To Hell look like Titanic.

I give Blood Sisters Two Stars, and think with a little more effort and direction Ms. Sherwood would have written a much more suspenseful and entertaining novel.

Master Vyle

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Review: Girl's Night In by Anthony Beal

Every once in a great while I find a story that's right up my alley, and right up my alley on so many levels.  Anthony Beal's short story Girl's Night In is one of those stories.  There's nothing I love better than an erotica story that does not fall into that mold that a lot of readers are expecting.  Throw in a BBW heroine and you've got my interest double.

Girl's Night In is the story of Dacia, a BBW whose mate does not appreciate her curves.  She vents her frustration by doing the exact thing that her boyfriend wants to take away from her, she does something to make herself desirable and sexy.  Going to a hotel where the desk clerk knows her name she checks in to a room and puts on an exhibitionist show for any passenger looking from a subway train which has to stop by the room's window to wait for the track ahead to clear.

Transit passenger Kenichi gets to play the voyeur to Dacia's exhibitionist.  He's in a look and no touch (even himself) situation, and he's enraptured by the woman in the window.

You may think you will be able to figure out how this story is going to end, but I assure you it doesn't.  Beal tells an awesome and "non-traditional" erotic tale which is both hot and cerebral.  It's a very short story, but in Beal's hands it's more than enough length to get Five Stars, and this story deserves every single one.  I'm looking forward to more, and can't wait to see what Beal does with a story that has an extended length.

You can get your copy of Girl's Night In here:

Barnes & Noble:
Sony eBook Store:
1Erotica eBooks:
iTunes Book Store:

If you're lurking for something spectacular, lurk no further than Anthony Beal!

Master Vyle

Review: Uncivil Dead by Jeremiah Coe

It's time to take a little look at a novel from Jeremiah Coe in which he mixes his two passions, the American Civil War and zombies, to come up with a tale called Uncivil Dead.  And who can resist a good zombie tale?  Well, not my kids, that's for sure.  To go with their new Kindles for Christmas I gave them copies of my holiday horror collection Frog Nog And Other Horrday Tales, as well as their own copies of Uncivil Dead

Guess what they read? 

Yep, Uncivil Dead

Guess what they still haven't bothered to read? 

Yep, zombies trump dear old Dad every time.

I found Jeremiah's story telling in this tale to be an improvement over his short story Vampire's Retribution, although much of it seems to read like a novelization of a screenplay, which means that I think this tale would come across better with on screen visuals as opposed to being presented as a written story.  Taking that aside Uncivil Dead is a fairly entertaining read, and will definitely hold the interest of any hardcore zombiephile.

Coe presents us with the tale of a Union garrison stationed in an occupied Confederate town where the citizens aided the Union soldiers.  Without warning a strange plague breaks out, causing the dead to walk and hunger for human flesh.  There's gore aplenty in this one, even though it starts at a slow and even pace before picking up steam in the final quarter of the novel.  Coe makes an attempt to get into the mind set of both sides on the human side of the conflict and presents the reader with Union soldiers who are not all great emancipators who are fighting for the rights and equality of Southern slaves.

As for the weaknesses of the story, well the "movie" feel that it has does tend to detract a little from the narrative, and Jeremiah sometimes presents up with characters who have long passages devoted to them before disappearing into the background, as well as characters introduced late into the story just for the express purpose of being zombie bait.  The zombies themselves reminded me of the ones in CHUD II: Bud The CHUD, in that they only "nibble" on someone as long as they are alive, plus the dead revive as zombies as soon as they die.  As with Vampire's Retribution he uses a few terms which seem out of place in the Civil War Era, such as describing someone being taken down like "a lion taking down a gazelle", size ten boots, numbers games, the gravity of the situation, and nervous breakdowns.  However, Coe does show he knows his stuff, especially when it comes to the weapons of the era and their shortcomings.  He even threw in a couple of baseball references that myself and sons agreed seemed out of place, and upon including my father in-law in on the discussion he looked it up and through Coe's references we indeed learned that baseball did predate the Civil War.

There are those who might have a problem with the fact that a whole town becomes zombies as the garrison protecting them is totally unaware, however I read into it the fact that the plague had started outside of town and had spread from other parts of the county first, which would account for the sheer number of walking dead at climax of the story.  If anything Jeremiah gives us a look at the plague from near the beginning, as opposed to throwing you into it Night Of The Living Dead or The Walking Dead style, which I found fairly refreshing.  He does try to add a few unique spins on the usual, and even unusual, zombie staples, some work and some do not.

Overall I rate Uncivil Dead Four Stars.  Jeremiah, in my estimation, is still continuing to develop and grow as a writer, and he does deliver an engrossing and entertaining tale, that I know is going to hit home with zombie lovers and gore hounds.  That said, the novel does have some bits of unintentional humor.  With several wounds that erupt blood "like a volcano" (again a testament to that horror movie feel), and explosive diarrhea that runs like rivers (and yeah, I'm being just a little feceious there, extra heavy on the feces). 

There are a few lines that are laugh out loud, such as:

"You can only fart for so long before you start to worry about mushing your pants if you fart anymore..."

Sage knowledge. :)


"Mark Soltis had snuck off from everyone else to urinate against standing orders."

Which of course I found funny, because how often in history do you suppose a soldier wanted to urinate on standing orders for their superiors?  Then again that can be applied a little to the white and blue collar worlds as well.

As with my review for Vampire's Retribution I can't express enough that Jeremiah Coe is an up and coming independent horror author that it is well worth your while to check out.  I'm already waiting for his next novel.  He's genuinely into the genre, and I've come to believe that he doesn't think about much else, which was what earned him a street and a subdivision in my short story It Came From Beyond The Midnight Clear.

You can get your copy of Uncivil Dead here:

Barnes & Noble:
Sony eBook Store:

Keep a lurk out for Jeremiah Coe, because he's surely lurking out for you!

Master Vyle

Review: Shapeshifter's Craving by Lee Pearce

Well from the look of things up there I'm pretty sure that you know what's going to happen.  Ellora's Cave, check.  Naughty Nooner, check.  Lame, recycled a bazillion times cover, check.  Time to tear it a new one, nope.


What?  This freebie offering from the cheese cave isn't getting a new one?  Really?

Well, of course not.  You see because I'm Michael C. Laney, Master Vyle himself, and I'm all crazy like that!  You never know quite what I'm gonna do 'cause, I'm all crazy like that!  I say what I want, when I want and how I want, 'cause...

(Wait for it...... wait for it....)

...I'm all crazy like that!

You see this isn't the first story from Ellora's Cave that I liked.  That honor actually goes to Vonna Harper's His Voice, His Command.  Now if you know the story in question here you might say, "Well, hey, doesn't it fall slightly into that category of puppy dogs and fairies and unicorns and kitchen sink shit you despise as well as being erotic romance cheese?"

Yeah, just a little, but so what.  I do like a good "erotic romance" story, when it's fairly well written, has a good story, and works, Ray Sostre's Their First Night Together for example.

Again, my opinions and tastes, the shit I say, my ratings system, and all that shit are all based on one thing, and if you've seen Give Me Turkey Necks!, then you know what that one thing is.... This guy is a nut...  a  total headcase, whackjob, cat hoarder who's got the papers to prove it, in addition to a letter from President Jimmy Carter.

But anyway, I'm getting pretty far away from the item at hand, and that is a short story by the name of Shapeshifter's Craving by Lee Pearce.  It's the story of Kate, a princess, and her bodyguard, Aidan, in a quasi-magical land filled with shapeshifters, and in a kingdom where princesses banging their bodyguards is considered the norm, even to the point where "the King" pretty much expects it.  In the beginning Kate has never used a bodyguard for pleasure, but like Ling in Kung Pow, Enter The Fist she quickly gets over her shyness.  (Maybe even a little too quickly.)

Now for such a short story there's a great deal of information to take in, and the reader is dropped into the middle of a world of the author's imagination without much warning.  It's high school writing for the most part, but we're talking B+ quality high school writing that shows a great deal of potential, and with several other authors I think Ms. Pearce's biggest mistake is limiting her story to such a short format.  With expansion I feel that Shapeshifter's Craving would make a great novel.

Is it cheesy?  A little.  And it's definitely rushed, but I still found it interesting, and even a little endearing.  Kate is a shapeshifter who has not chosen a particular animal form, so for the period the story covers she has the ability to become any animal.  She also has a power which even she, at first, has no idea that she wields.  Aidan has a little secret of his own, and together they work to explore the possibility of a life outside Kate's somewhat sheltered upbringing.

Is Shapeshifter's Craving the greatest, by no means, but there's a great deal of potential there, which is more than I can say for a lot of writers, in several genres, who crank out whatever and slap a price on it to make a few bucks.  Lee Pearce is probably on the right track, and I can't wait to see her tackle a story in a larger format, because she has the imagination to actually tackle something over four or five pages.  I give Shapeshifter's Craving Three and a Half Stars, and look forward to what Ms. Pearce has to offer in the future.  On several sites this story has gotten mixed reviews, a fair share of those negative, however, once you sift through them it's apparent that most people found issue with the length of the story more than anything else.

You can find your copy of Shapeshifter's Craving here:

Barnes & Noble:
All Romance eBooks:

Again I lurk forward to reading more from Lee Pearce in the future.

Master Vyle

Legend Of The Ghost's Woods Now Available On Barnes & Noble

My new horror short story Shadows Of The Night Volume Zero: Legend Of The Ghost's Woods is now available on Barnes & Noble.  Be sure to get your copy for NOOK and learn the history of Ariana, Florida, and the Hollow Creek Monster.

In the woods, straddling the borders of Poe and Bennick Counties, the Hollow Creek Monster will be lurking for you!

Master Vyle

Get Jason Darrick's Fear In Words Volume One FREE!

Greetings, fiends and fright fans!  If you didn't know it already a story collection by our friend from the North, Jason Darrick, is available free from Amazon until the end of the day today (Saturday, January 14, 2012) as part of his weekend giveaway to celebrate the first Friday the 13th of the New Year.  Fear In Words Volume One: The Stories is a collection that comes heavily recommended by me, and it has been a long time (actually the very first) Kindle Featured Creature on this blog.  Additionally, if you don't already know why Jason is a best seller, then I suggest you go and get your free copy and find out before any trip to Mr. Vore's house.

You better get your copy now, because it is Friday the 13th Weekend, and his name IS Jason, and if you don't he will be lurking for you!

Master Vyle

Friday, January 13, 2012

Legend Of The Ghost's Woods Released As An eBook

Just in time for the first Friday the 13th of the New Year (and a little unexpectedly even for me) my new Horror short story Legend Of The Ghost's Woods is now available on Amazon, All Romance eBooks and OmniLit, and should be available on Barnes & Noble by the end of the weekend.  (Three out of four ain't bad.)

If you read my 2011 The Year I Arrived post you know that Legend Of The Ghost's Woods serves as the prologue to my forthcoming novel Comes The Dark Storm, as well as the rest of the Shadows Of The Night Series.

The Ghost’s Woods, a vast expanse of untamed forest and swampland straddling the borders of  Poe and Bennick Counties. The woods were known for being the Evil Place long before the first explorers came from Europe. Deep in the forest strange voices sometimes whispered dark secrets to those who could hear them, and a creature nearly as old as mankind roamed among the trees, watching, and occasionally claiming a victim of its own choosing.

With the tragedy that followed the founding of the small city of Ariana, Florida, the woods received their name. They had long been forgotten as being the Evil Place, but the passage of time only proved they were a haunted place, the home of something cunning and malevolent that was waiting to strike!

Here is the history of how the Ghost’s Woods became a legend. The short story prologue to Michael C. Laney’s forthcoming Shadows Of The Night Series!

You can find Shadows Of The Night Volume Zero: Legend Of The Ghost Woods here.  I will have a link up for Barnes & Noble within the next few days:

I'll be lurking for you.

Master Vyle

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Review: Maui Heat by Ari Thatcher

Well that time is here folks, the first review of the New Year!  I have a lot to start clearing through to get my backlog in order, so I decided to start with a little erotic romance cheese.  And, oh yeah, if I'm saying it's cheese (if the cover picture was not enough of an indication) then it must be from Ellora's Cave.  "Mmmmm.... If it says Ellora's Cave it must be cheese".  Yep, it's another (FANFARE) Naughty Nooner, this time from one Ari Thatcher, whose Amazon bio picture makes her look like Sally Spectra on crack.

I will admit that I had initially looked forward to reading this story, because with a title like Maui Heat it brought up images of the islands and beaches, and of course the lady vyle and I someday want to visit Hawaii if we never do anything else.  However, as I'm sure you know, my expectations were sharply lowered after reading several of the other high noon stink cheese freebie specials that EC offers at the exact price they're worth, FREE!

Maui Heat is the story of Maggie and Gabe, two college students who are working at a resort in Maui over their summer break.  And first off let me break into an aside and say what a neato, cool summer job that would be.  In fact I'm sure all the money they made over the summer would actually cover their round-trip airfare to get there, as well as meals if they were not provided as a condition of their employment.  Yes, I'm sure that the local Hawaiians love students from colleges flying in from all over to take their summer jobs.  Wait, summer jobs in Hawaii?  Isn't it summer year round there?

Okay, sorry.  I'm getting carried away doing that thing that drives Gina Kincade crazy about me, applying facts and logic to cheesy romantic erotica.  And really I should especially not care at all about the story since I'm a man.  Get me through the mire so I can get to the stroke worthy stuff.  (Oh, but only if there had been some stroke worthy stuff to be found.)

Let me get back to our two rejects who had to go to Maui and work at a resort instead of joining the Disney college program.  It's the last night of the summer, and as the Rock would say, "FINALLY, Maggie and Gabe have decided to hook up!"  Aren't there like 104 days of summer vacation?  I know I'm getting back into a little Disney territory, but I am sure that the theme song to Phineas And Ferb plainly states, "There's 104 days of summer vacation, till school comes along just to end it".  But anyway.... last night of summer, two horny college students who live across the country from each other, finally deciding to hook-up, erotic romance cheese!!!

Hey, Maggie, I know what we're going to do today.

Yeah, on that very last night, they're gonna fuck, or as they say in erotic romance they're gonna MAKE LOVE  and PROBABLY FALL IN LOVE FOREVER... or some such crap.

Laughable?  Laughable?

Well it seems that good little Maggie has admired her dreamboat from afar all summer.  Keeping it real however, Gabe...

"...hooked up with one or two of the girls he knew he wouldn't get attached."

Maggie:  Oh, Gabe, please, oh please, pull out your club and knock me out so you can drag me by the hair deeply into Ellora's Cave and I'll be your woman forever!

Even for a Naughty Nooner short Maui Heat is tedious, mainly because Ms. Thatcher attempts to make it into an actual story.  Unfortunately her attempt to tell a story is negated by the fact that the story she tries to tell is not at all interesting.  Just as the get it on is coming Gabe is pulled away to break up a fight somewhere, and Maggie is left all on her own, thinking he will never come back and getting groped be a drunk who seems to have a little more interest in her than her man slut Gabe.

They finally do get together and alone, and Ms. Thatcher whops out her can of spray cheese to give them a healthy squirt with lines such as...

" 'So tight.  You're milking me already.'  He thrust again, withdrew, and reached to find her clit with his thumb.  'I want you there with me.  Come with me, baby.' "

Well... Go!  Go Gadget Thumb!  Where the hell was Shain Brown to read me that in his falsetto Arnold voice and make me really laugh?

Then of course there's the obligatory...

"Their lovemaking had taken her far beyond any place she could have ever imagined."  (Yep, and it took one or two other girls there earlier in the summer as well.  Too bad it didn't take me there.)  "No matter what happened after they went their separate ways, she would always have this night."

Oh, gasp.  Oh, gush!  Oh, BALONEY!

The most entertaining little nugget of unintentional humor comes in the author's bio, where it states that...

"Ari Thatcher is a native Los Angelean who is avidly approaching her cougar years."

She's "avidly approaching her cougar years" !  How the hell do you avidly approach anything?

You are from Los Angeles, check,  You look kind of like Sally Spectra, check.  Mmmmm... but not enough like Sally Spectra for me, so that'll be a rain check, you wascally cougar, you!  Doctor please come and get me with your TARDIS and take me to the set of The Bold And The Beautiful somewhere around 1989 when Darlene Conley was alive and hot!

Additionally her bio states that...

"When she's not hunting her next prey, she can be found writing down her fantasies."

I can guess which one she does more of.  I can also tell you that she does that very poorly.

Across several sites Maui Heat has gotten mixed reviews, though mainly negative ones, and it averages somewhere in the neighborhood of Two Stars.  Me, well I'm not that generous.  Maui Heat rates One Star with me and it did nothing to entice me to read its sequel, Maui Rekindled, or any of Thatcher's other works.

If you can't do without this piece of freebie cheese in your collection you can find it here:

Sony eReader Store:

Lurk it up if you dare!

Master Vyle

Friday, January 6, 2012

Thank You, Ma'am And Sir Released As An eBook

My 2006 Thanksgiving BDSM erotica short story Thank You, Ma'am And Sir is now available as an eBook from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, All Romance eBooks and OmniLit.

Mistress Violet and Master Marcus are very open and love to mix things up with several other like minded people who they allow to use their loyal submissive, Julie, as well. On Thanksgiving Julie wants her Mistress and Master to know all the things she is truly thankful for. After making them a special dinner all on her own she tells them what those things are in the hope that by the end of the night that there will be at least one more thing to be thankful for added to the list!

In the end everyone is going to have something to be thankful for in this erotic BDSM short story.

Barnes & Noble:
All Romance eBooks:

Master Vyle

Fuck Flowers, Fuck Candy... Released As An eBook

My 2006 science fiction erotica short story Fuck Flowers, Fuck Candy... ...This Is A Gift You Can Really Use! is now available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, All Romance eBooks and OmniLit.

In the year 20XX one woman’s pleasure is man-made, and it puts all the other men she’s been with to shame in this erotic science fiction short story!

There’s nothing worse than being a swinger who’s home alone on Valentine’s Day, and Sara Warwick knows this is a fact for sure. She willing to forgive her husband for being out of town and not letting her come along, as long as the gift is right. The one thing she was not expecting was her very own Command-Do Lover, an adult toy so advanced that she’s not totally sure if she’s playing with it, or if it is playing with her!

Her Valentine’s Day gift was as real as any man…
…but much, much, better!

Master Vyle

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2011... The Year I Arrived

2011.  What a year to look back on.  And, yeah, it seems like I was sitting here before, it was about 365 days ago that I was sitting here to write a post titled 2010... I Barely Knew 'Ya.  I just figured, what the hell, do what everyone else does for a change and write a little bit reflecting on the past year.  So I signed right into my blog as soon as I sat down, just typing away.  It was a break from my usual routine, which is something big when you have OCD, skipping going in to check my e-mail and bouncing around to the three main story sites I had been posting on, little realizing that there was an e-mail informing me that my short story Fungi had been plagiarized and was being offered as part of a story collection on Amazon.  (Yeah, Rebecca Giesler...Becky Bick-SUCKER...Mistress Ana Phylaxis, or whatever the fuck your wanna be witch ass name is, I have not forgotten about you!)  For an author nothing makes you feel more robbed and violated than to know you've been plagiarized, especially if it's one of those stories that's kind of near and dear to your heart because it was written several years before and it's one you think over often.  I quickly got my footing and struck back, and today I'm happy to say that I at least played a part in having the "works" of Mistress Ana Phylaxis removed from Amazon.

In a twist of irony the incident pushed me to the point that I reached a goal, which in my mind was the goal I needed to reach to consider myself having arrived on the writing scene.  I looked into eBook publishing for the first time, armed with the knowledge that it had to be fairly easy once you took into consideration the narrow turn around time between the posting of Fungi on Literotica and its appearance on Amazon.  Within a month and a half my recently finished novel Heather's Journey: The Sound Of her MASTER'S VOICE was published to Amazon after an intense round of reformatting.  Not long after I began to sever my ties from story submission sites because they were either highly political or run by indifferent administrations, or both.  And I haven't really looked back.  With my relenting and finally joining das FaceBooken at the beginning of the summer I was able to reconnect with several people I knew from Lushstories, as well as meeting ones I was aware of  but never had a chance to get to know during my time there.  Am I totally done with story submission sites?  I would say it's a yes, for the most part, however there's always the possibility that I will post an occasional short story here and there, but as busy as I seem to stay they will definitely be few and far between.

Early last year I also published eBook editions of my holiday erotica short stories Bunny Holes and St. Patrick's Day Scrumpin'.  I worked on and off of a story collection built around Fungi until the start of the summer.  Then I decided to take a break to rework an older story, which resulted in my second published novel A Day In The Life Of Abagail King.  In the fall I published my first erotic horror short story and poetry collection A Letter To Doctor Freudstein - Demoni - And Ten Poems and released my brief gay male short story Honcho as a free read in eBook format as well.  By that time I had begun to publish on Barnes & Noble and All Romance/OmniLit as well.  In November I made the decision to join the 12 Days Of Creepfest Blog Tour, and after getting a slight ribbing by Rebecca Treadway I decided to write a story collection to release in conjunction with the tour to prove that I "still had it" (it being the same it I had in high school), which resulted in my first non-erotic release, a holiday themed horror and short story collection Frog Nog And Other Horrorday Tales.

If you've followed this blog you know that my Fungi collection Fungi: Weird Tales Of Horror And Eroticism is not the only project I have worked on or though of over the past year.  I'm horrible with deadlines as I really do not believe in writing whatever I can within a few pages and publishing it just to get it out there.  I truly do love to fallow the fields and let stories and projects grow cold for a while before coming back to them.  In my excitement I did start working on several things over the past year to which I assigned projected dates, and none of them have made it, or are going to make it.  That being said I am currently working the short story prologue to my much talked about, but still not published, Shadows Of The Night series.  Titled Legend Of The Ghost's Woods I decided that it was much too long to remain as the actual prologue for Comes The Dark Storm (which, yes, I am hoping for a 2013 finish for that novel), due to the nature of giving a long history it did not fit in well with the rest of the narrative, so I hope it serves as a jumping off point to the first book.  I am currently working on the final three stories of a four story horror collection I call Four Freaks, which I also hope to see complete by late spring at the very latest.  Heather's Journey: The Manual Of Discipline was another project I started on this year, but did not get as far as I had planned on, and at this point I think it will be another year or two before everything falls into place and it's closer to publication.  Then of course there's The Creeper, which I have billed for months as my first horror novel for publication.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a summer release.  Of course there's a lot more that occasionally gets shifted from the back burner to the front, and then right back.  So keep on looking, because there will be more details coming as time goes on.

The end of the year is of course pretty hectic, as I am sure everyone knows.  Frog Nog And Other Horrorday Tales went live on Amazon and Barnes & Noble a couple of weeks ago with no fanfare, though I as sure a majority of my readers grabbed a copy while it was free during 12 Days Of Creepfest.  To cap off the year I made the decision to release eBook editions of two stories I wrote in 2006, each with a different holiday theme.  Both will be released within the next week.  Fuck Flowers, Fuck Candy... ...This Is A Gift You Can Really Use! is a science fiction erotica short story about a woman who gets the greatest sex toy ever made as a Valentine's Day gift.  Thank You, Ma'am And Sir is a Thanksgiving themed BDSM erotica short story about a thankful submissive who tries to work her thankfulness into something else to be thankful for.

Aside from writing in 2011 I began doing reviews.  Of course it seems that the title "critic" probably fits me better than "reviewer".  But I tell it like it is, and the way it is, as I have seen, is that the independent writing scene is full of hacks.  So, as perhaps my only resolution I am not going to hold back in my reviews anymore.  (What, I've been holding back?)  Well, not that much.  This year, though, I'm planning to give the hacks I find in the independent world a swift kick in the balls.  And if you don't have balls...  Well, I've been assured a crotch kick to a woman is just as painful as a crotch kick to a man (no balls = no squishy padding).

I have to say it felt good to get Heather's Journey: The Sound Of her MASTER'S VOICE published to Amazon, because that was the goal, being published for sale (not the making of millions of dollars, or being a best seller, but the actual fact it was published for sale) that I felt spoke to me that Michael C. Laney had finally arrived.  That aside the thing that I have really enjoyed is getting to know other independent writers a lot better over the course of this year.  I can't really imagine not knowing Jason Darrick, Rebecca Treadway, Lady Sharon and so many others.  Knowing these people, finally feeling as if I am in a group that are my friends and peers...

Well, that's another thing, a sign that was never a goal, or even a thought, that I had at last "arrived"!

2012...  I'll be lurking for you!

Master Vyle